Season 8 Dancing with the Stars

So I get up this morning (5:30am) and start reading the headlines on yahoo (cause I like to think I'm up to date on the world's events) and I see a link to see who the cast of Dancing with the Stars Season 8 are. I am thrown back, totally shocked at what I see.

Denise Richards - Sexy ass hell and all that but this girl is clearly a nut case. Has anyone seen her show? It's not hard to see why someone this fine can't fine a man.

Jewel - Talk about someone who fell off of the radar. She came out had a few hits and BOOM 15 minutes were up. I can understand why she is here, she needs a career make over.

Steve O - Ok putting the jackass from Jackass is just asking for trouble. Don't be surprised if this idiot burns down the set.

Lawrence Taylor - Football star turned crackhead. Let's hope for a flashback.

David Allan Greer - Another has been trying to get an extension to his 15 min of fame.

Nancy O'dell - has nice legs but is that enough for this E.T. host to shine?

Belinda Carlisle - Damn the 80s called, they want her back.

Chuck Wicks - country singer (expect to see some shit kicking)

Ty Murray - Rodeo star and Jewel's husband. Should be more shit kicking

Steve Wozniak - Computer geek, expect a first round knock out for this dude.

Shawn Johnson - ok this chick just won some gold medals in the olympics. I don't think it's fair. She dances while doing her floor exercises.

and last but not least.

Little Kim - Do I really need to say anything?

WTF

So me and the fellas meet up for happy hour for drinks. The place is a hangout for many people that work for the city as well as a teacher hang out. We are sitting there having a round and having a good time and speaking to the many people that we know in this bar.

After everyone had purchased a round a drink we are finishing up the last little bit of our drinks before all three of us head out. In the back of the bar one of the secretaries at our job spots us and makes a B-line right for us. She has a thing for my boy Alberto and putting her flirt in motion. The people she was with were leaving and we were hoping that she was also. She notices that our drinks are low and flags down the waitress and orders another round.

Now we are thinking, damn that was cool of her. Maybe we were wrong to think she was some annoying hairy lady trying to get in Alberto's pants. She walks away towards the restroom and we start giving Alberto shit for her hanging on to him the way she was. We are sitting there laughing and having a good time so none of us notice the waitress walk up and start sitting drinks in front of all of us. We also didn't notice that his b*tch (excuse my language ladies) eased up and out of the bar leaving us to pay for this round that she ordered.

WTF is that shit? Did she think we looked thirsty? I've been told I look a lot of things but thirsty aint one of them!!

Internet Dating HORROR - Positive Feedback

Ok so I get blown up on Black planet by this young lady showing some interest. We do the whole initial correspondence thing blah blah blah. We fast forward to the first meeting. So we meet up for lunch one day and decide on Long John Silver’s. It's centrally located to both our jobs and it is not a place that I frequent so that makes it safe. I show up early and pick a good seat so I can check out the entire parking lot and see her as she walks in. I'm on the phone with my boy from work and telling him to page me so I can make a hasty escape if things aren't right. She shows up and of course doesn't look like her photos. She is quite bigger than the photos show but still had a cute face and pretty eyes. She had her hair back in a bun. I'm like damn you lazy heffa, you knew we were meeting today do your damn hair. Anyway we eat lunch and both go our separate ways.

Over the next few weeks we talk on the phone and get together for drinks. I start to see a pattern with her. Every time I talk to her on the phone something is wrong. She is either fighting with her job, family, or problems with her health. Finally I can't take it anymore and ask her why she is always complaining and never have anything positive to say when I call and ask how her day is going. She proceeds to tell me how her ex-husband committed suicide two years prior in their home and the kids saw her cut him down and thought she killed him. Ok so BIG RED Flag goes up. I'm like damn that's pretty messed up. She goes on about how his family is hard on her, how her family is hard on her for letting his family be hard on her etc etc.

I'm like ok, I need to ease myself out of this pit of snakes and keep it pushing. It's clear that old' girl isn't stable. I start to back off but the negative phone calls keep happening. I finally just snap myself. I tell her to stop letting these people get in her head and such but this doesn't help. She is still crying every other time I talk to her about this or that. Finally I told her, she needs to get her life on track and I'm not a track coach. She needs to get fixed, get help, get counseling or whatever but I'm not that dude. She makes the one mistake many women make with me. She tried to challenge me. So now my fangs come out. Believe me it isn't pretty when they do. I turn into a lion and she is a gazelle with a bad leg. I dig into that ass like a crackhead with crabs. Needless to say the conversation ends with her in tears.

Two weeks later I get this text. I look at the name and it's from her. It's allegedly from her brother letting everyone know that she was found unconscious and they rushed her to the hospital. I respond with a I hope she is ok and this alleged person starts to try and talk to me. He is saying crap like we never met but she talked about you all the time. She was really sorry how things ended and how she was a really good person with a good heart. These texts from this alleged person went on so long I finally had to respond and tell him that I wasn't interested in all this side bar and that her and I weren't an item and that he didn't have to update me anymore. I decide at this point I'm going to fuck with this.

So I ask the mystery text sender what hospital she was at. He tells me Fontana Kaiser. I tell them that I'm there right now visiting my father who was in the hospital (actually he was in Kaiser Sunset). I ask for the room and they come back with the Oh she can't have visitors. I then tell them that my neighbor is a nurse in the ER there and I'll just have her look in on her and make sure she is taken care of. The next day they tell me oh she wasn't listed under her name and they were moving her to another hospital in Upland.

I asked which hospital there because my cousin worked out there. This goes on for a few hours with them claiming to be moving again to LA, and all this other BS. I eventually get bored and stop going back and forth with them.

I still get random texts from this chick and even got an email from her on my birthday. Wouldn't you know it, she was going on and on about how she just had surgery and how bad things have been but she misses me and hopes we can be friends. Why don't they get it. When I'm done I'm DONE!

I'm positive that some squirrels find nuts and some are just nutty.