So I'm up in class

And this big ashy brittle scalped woman decides to sit next to me. Of course she does, cause that's what THEY do. They are drawn to me like a moth to a flame. I think THEY think because I'm a big dude that I want a big woman. Actually its the opposite. I'm a big dude, that's why I like smaller girls. Who wants all that competition at the dinner table? People grabbing for the last piece of chicken etc.. And truth be told. All the parts don't fit very well with two big peeps. All it is, is bumping and grinding. There is just too much in the way with two bigs.. but I digress

So anyway, this chick sits next to me and she has a smell that took me back to when my kids were younger. That smell of hot baby diapers. She stunk to high hell and was trying to get her diva on. My lab partner gets there a little late and he is looking at me like is that your girl? I'm like dude.. seriously... don't get slapped. I guess cause she was big and black she was with me right? See that's why white folks be getting jumped on..

So class starts and my lab partner is the class clown. He starts in on his regular routine and it's all good. I'm sitting there chewing some gum and ol girl decides to ask me for a piece. She turns and in a heavy Jamaican accent she asks me if i have another piece. Immediately my eyes start to water and my hair on my nose starts to burn. Her breath was hot and violent. It was like cutting some onions next to a open bottle of ammonia. I wanted to take the piece out of my mouth and give it to her as I didn't have anymore.

She looks like she has a tude cause I didn't have anymore gum and she turns around very quickly. Her hair was so dry that I was worried that any other quick movements like that and her hair would catch fire. I re-focus back on the instructor and try to get back in a somewhat happy place and this heffa decides she wants to take off her shoes. I'm like WTF. I'm looking around like does nobody else see this crap? Are you all going to sit idly by while this Gila monster scratches her dry scaly feet on the carpet in this room.

Please somebody please speak up. Make her stop. I decide to get up and go get a drink and catch me some fresh air. I walk to the restroom and on my way back who do I see? Yes, Baby Godzilla, hot breath and all. Batting her eyes and looking at me like I was a deep dish pizza. By now I'm scared cause honestly, I don't think I could take her. I'm looking for any exits in this hallway to plan my escape. She is approaching quickly and I can tell she is about to hit me up. I'm about 4 steps away and my angel comes through. My cell rings and I pick it up. My daughter comes through in the clutch. "Hey baby how was your day" I instantly see ol girls expression change. I talk with my daughter a few more minutes, being sure to use all the pet names in the world so this chick could hear me.

I get back in class and my lab partner is looking at me again like Uh huh... I'm like dude, not even on a bet. He's like that girl asked if you were single and stuff. I said I hope you said I wasn't. This MF says, I didn't want to salt your game so I said I don't know...

I swear it kept everything inside of me not to go old cowboy movie upside his head with this chair. I had to hurry up and get out of class last night. I'm glad only 3 more classes left.. OMFG.