No One Rides 4 Free......

So I re-connected with a friend of mine from the past. We been choppin it up off and on the last few weeks. So we plan on hooking up on Friday and I'm like ok cool. I took off from work that day so I'm waiting for her to get off. I text her and I'm like what's crackin..... She hits me with the I'm hungry what you bringing me to eat. This catches me off guard so I run to the restroom to check my attire. Nope, no dominoes pizza hat on my head. So i respond I'm not bringing anything. It's not like I am against going out with a girl but this is what it is. BOOTY CALL. Nothing more. She got somebody for all that cupcaking. I'm there for the "STRANGE"

So I call on the phone and I get no answer and I leave a message....

tic toc tic toc...

She doesn't respond so I text her back.. What's up? She responds with the "I can't, it wouldn't be right. You aren't mad are you?"..blah blah blah....

Now I'm pissed, cause I could have planned something else. But when she asked me was I upset I'm like naw I'm cool. I call up the fellas and start to make other plans. I get a text from ol' girl and she is frantic. She wants me to stop by and fix her computer. And had the nerve to put at the end that she would pay me. Uh, you didn't have to put that part in bitch cause you not only are going to pay but pay full price.

On my drive over I'm thinking that she is just trying to get me over and playing some game but sure enough she had some virus on her computer and it took me a while to clean it off. I notice she had a dub on the table and I'm thinking to myself I hope she doesn't think that's going to get it. So I finish up and set the computer to scan, and I sit down on the couch. I explain to her what had happened and what I was doing. I let her know it was going to be $80.

Now this heffa looks at me and says "Can't we work something out" I'm like yea, you can break bread and your computer will work. That's the payment plan that I take. She is like can I pay another way. And I must have had a stupid look on my face cause she asked me again like I didn't understand her the first time.

I looked her dead in her eyes and said. "I can't, it wouldn't be right. You aren't mad are you?"

I got my money and went home. Trick ass Bitch.... I had to dig in my ipod to find the perfect song before pulling out of her driveway. K-DEE. ASS, CASH or GAS...

NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE!

Missed Signs

Had lunch with an ex-girlfriend Tuesday. Forgot her birthday was that day. The same days as my son's. She got an attitude when she found that out. I'm like why? Like I had some choice in it. Like I did it on purpose. Hell the next day was my daughters mom's bday. Wouldn't I have done it on that day if any? If I had a choice? So we are sitting enjoying some nice Thai food and she starts dropping sexual hints like she wants to hook up. Everything is rolling off my shoulders and I'm not even acknowledging any of her attempts to turn the conversation sexual.

So I get a text this morning with, "YOU PLAY TO MUCH you know you want this, stop frontin." So my attempts to ignore her passes has backfired on me. Seems like it has made it worst. That itch in her britches is intensified because I didn't acknowledge it the other day. What to do what to do. It's not that I wouldn't hit it again it's just that I don't remember it being all that great 9 years ago when I hit it last. And in my experience when people are bragging about how good they are and how I have no idea how it is now and they've changed, they usually aint shit. And I've decided people who can't bring anything to the table other than sex aren't worth my time....

I think she believes that I missed her signs, when if fact she was the one missing the signs. My big fat red STOP SIGN!!!

I'm so lost here.

As I type this I'm on the phone with my first. We are talking 20 some odd years ago. I used to blow that back out on a daily during high school. Even through my 20s I would randomly hit it. So we lost touch for years and she found me through facebook a while back. Turns out she is married and lives not far from me. She calls me and is going through that whole spill about how great her life is and blah blah blah.

Immediately I'm like yeah yeah. So what's up. Why you looking for me. She gives the song and dance about wanting to see me cause we go way back and how nice it is to catch up. So she calls me a week or so later and we decide for her to come over while I'm watching the fight. She comes through, we kick it and between you and I. She fell off. The ass was still fat but she had a dusty presence about her. Of course I didn't push up and yall know how that goes. It makes her horny as hell.

The next week or so she is blowing me up, asking when we can hang out again etc etc. So it was a few weeks later, she calls right as I've dropped my kids off with my mother. So I'm solo and headed home to change before hitting the spot. She asks if she can fall through for a bit an I agree. She comes through, dressed like she was on her way out herself. Long story short she ends up in the spider's web (my bedroom) and she is telling me she isn't 16 anymore. I'm like I'm not 16 anymore either and proceed to smash like I was on them blue pills. What was good to her was so so for me. It wasn't that my stamina was all that it was she wasn't doing it for me. So what should have been a quickie lasted hours and hours. Meanwhile, her phone is blowing up and when she finally looked at it, and realized it was her man she broke out like my spot was being raided.

Not wanting to believe that she had lost her touch over the years, I hooked up with her a few more times with pretty much the same result. The sex wasn't all that and I have grown bored with it by now.

So fast forward to today... She calls and like what's up? Me, not wanting to even play the game told her I'm seeing someone now etc etc.. She goes into this tantrum about how she didn't think I wanted a relationship etc etc. I'm like um, hello. YOU'RE MARRIED. She is like I know but I didn't want to just be a fuck thing for you, I was looking for a boyfriend. Someone I could talk to etc etc. I'm like UM, HELLO. YOU ARE MARRIED.

So help me out blog peeps. I asked her the same thing. What makes you think I want to be sitting around waiting on your funky ass when there are plenty of women with no husband at home? Did she really think she could be more than just a jump off? She has been going on and on about how she wanted more than just a random booty call. I can't for the life of me understand or even see her point. How could someone married think they could be more than sex to a single person? She is really upset with me cause I hit it with no intention on being more than just a Fuck. I mean it's not like she was separated or in the process of getting a divorce. We are talking about a supposedly happily married woman thinking that Yo Boy would play second fiddle to her situation.

I had to let her know. I'm a starter. I don't come off the bench. I wish she was in arms reach cause she truly needs a PIMP HAND across the left side of her wig.

I really hate

Kanye. What a classless, inconsiderate ASSHOLE. I take pride in being called an asshole but this dude makes me want to be nice to people. I'm hoping one of our Black Leaders publicly puts some fire to his punk ass.

There aren't to many people that I would slap on site but; MOVE over PACMAN JONES. Kanye has knocked you off my #1 list.

So I'm up in class

And this big ashy brittle scalped woman decides to sit next to me. Of course she does, cause that's what THEY do. They are drawn to me like a moth to a flame. I think THEY think because I'm a big dude that I want a big woman. Actually its the opposite. I'm a big dude, that's why I like smaller girls. Who wants all that competition at the dinner table? People grabbing for the last piece of chicken etc.. And truth be told. All the parts don't fit very well with two big peeps. All it is, is bumping and grinding. There is just too much in the way with two bigs.. but I digress

So anyway, this chick sits next to me and she has a smell that took me back to when my kids were younger. That smell of hot baby diapers. She stunk to high hell and was trying to get her diva on. My lab partner gets there a little late and he is looking at me like is that your girl? I'm like dude.. seriously... don't get slapped. I guess cause she was big and black she was with me right? See that's why white folks be getting jumped on..

So class starts and my lab partner is the class clown. He starts in on his regular routine and it's all good. I'm sitting there chewing some gum and ol girl decides to ask me for a piece. She turns and in a heavy Jamaican accent she asks me if i have another piece. Immediately my eyes start to water and my hair on my nose starts to burn. Her breath was hot and violent. It was like cutting some onions next to a open bottle of ammonia. I wanted to take the piece out of my mouth and give it to her as I didn't have anymore.

She looks like she has a tude cause I didn't have anymore gum and she turns around very quickly. Her hair was so dry that I was worried that any other quick movements like that and her hair would catch fire. I re-focus back on the instructor and try to get back in a somewhat happy place and this heffa decides she wants to take off her shoes. I'm like WTF. I'm looking around like does nobody else see this crap? Are you all going to sit idly by while this Gila monster scratches her dry scaly feet on the carpet in this room.

Please somebody please speak up. Make her stop. I decide to get up and go get a drink and catch me some fresh air. I walk to the restroom and on my way back who do I see? Yes, Baby Godzilla, hot breath and all. Batting her eyes and looking at me like I was a deep dish pizza. By now I'm scared cause honestly, I don't think I could take her. I'm looking for any exits in this hallway to plan my escape. She is approaching quickly and I can tell she is about to hit me up. I'm about 4 steps away and my angel comes through. My cell rings and I pick it up. My daughter comes through in the clutch. "Hey baby how was your day" I instantly see ol girls expression change. I talk with my daughter a few more minutes, being sure to use all the pet names in the world so this chick could hear me.

I get back in class and my lab partner is looking at me again like Uh huh... I'm like dude, not even on a bet. He's like that girl asked if you were single and stuff. I said I hope you said I wasn't. This MF says, I didn't want to salt your game so I said I don't know...

I swear it kept everything inside of me not to go old cowboy movie upside his head with this chair. I had to hurry up and get out of class last night. I'm glad only 3 more classes left.. OMFG.

If it looks like a duck

I'm a pretty honest person. Sometime too honest at the expense of others. But damnit if I don't tell people up front who I am. If I tell you don't disrespect my time or there will be consequences then guess what's going to happen if you do it?

Is it to much to ask from people to be courteous or respectful? I mean damn, you let someone slide once and give them a warning and they think you are either soft or don't mean what you say. So who's fault is it when they try the same shit again and get my pimp hand? Is it mine for allowing them to get away with it the first time? Or is it theirs for not taking me at my word?

In any case here's the situation.

Baby girl is on her way to my spot. She shows up 1 hour and 20 minutes late. I don't trip cause I'm actually preoccupied but I let her know it's not cool and I won't stand for it again. I let her know that next time she might show up and the door won't open for her.

Fast forward a week. Baby girl calls me and lets me know she will be at my spot at 7:30. I'm like ok. 7:55 rolls around and I haven't heard from ol girl all day. So I pick up the phone, call and she is like Uh hello... I'm like uh where are you? I can hear in her voice that she is not wanting to answer. She says I'm on the freeway. I ask where and she gives me a landmark 25min out. I'm like "Oh you might as well turn around, I've told you about playing with my time"

Now it's not like this chick doesn't know me. She has heard the stories, read the blogs etc etc.. She knows how I get down, so why try me? Did she think she was immune? Did she think she was better than the rest and I would bend my code for her?

Well the answer was and always will be. HELL NO.

Pimpin is an action not a position~ Tariq Nasheed

Peace Michael...

I was in a classroom yesterday and some kids were laughing and carrying on about the news about Michael Jackson's passing. I didn't understand why. I brushed it off as these were bad ass kids and that's why they are in summer school anyway. But then I really started to piece it together.

Kids make fun of it because they don't relate. They weren't alive when he was really big, they don't really know anything about him other than he was once really popular. What they have seen is him being taken back and forth to court for child molestation cases. To anyone under say 20 he is just some freak that looks like someone with bad hair pieces and a messed up face.

They don't know that he was probably the greatest performer ever. There has never been another performer that has had a moment that he had. Every performer since has tried to have that moment but none have ever come close. That night on Motown 25 was his defining moment. That is when he blew past Elvis, Bing, Sammie and any other. He was equal to them before he took the stage that night and when he was done on that stage he was a giant.

He changed the game and although his off the stage persona was freakish, when he stepped into an venue it was sold out, it was crazy and he was that GIANT once again. I was saddened by the whole things because it's just another reminder that I'm getting old. I can remember seeing the Triumph tour in Dodger Stadium with my cousins. I remember as a kid wondering why these girls were crying and screaming the whole night. 3+ hours straight tears and crying like they were watching Jesus.

I've been lucky enough to see some great moments on TV in my life. I saw Dr. J go behind the backboard against the Lakers. That was HUGE. I saw Reggie Jackson's 4 home run night in the World Series, I saw Reagan get shot, I watched the Space Shuttle blow up, I watched the second plane hit the building on 911. I saw all those events live, but none of them gave me chills like seeing Michael perform at that Motown 25. I remember going to school the next day and that is all people were talking about.

My daughter called me yesterday telling me about it and she had a tone in her voice like it was funny. She is from that Usher, Chris Brown era. I wanted to tell her so bad that the people she liked are probably someone crying because Mike is who they WANT to be.

So my diet hit that snag..

I've been doing pretty good. I've avoided the two things I love to eat more than anything (stop thinking nasty). Kettle Chips and Hot wings. I've given them up cold turkey and I've dropped 19lbs in about 6 weeks. I haven't been avoiding things as so much as I've been watching what I eat, portion sizes and trying to keep my caloric intact under 2000. It's been pretty easy. UNTIL TODAY.

So I took off yesterday and did some fishing. Got my fish on and didn't do my usual 3-4 beers and a double bacon cheeseburger while on the boat. Instead I had water and a patty melt. I was cool. I got up this morning and ate my Kashi cereal, had my banana and drank two glasses of water. By 8am I'm usually hungry again and I eat some fruit. But not today.

At 8am Angela walks in the office with 2 boxes of Krispy Kremes. Shut must have been driving by when the red light went on cause these things were still warm. I happen to be walking in right as she put them down on the table. I could feel the warmth generating out of the box. It was a cozy warmth. That kid you get around Christmas Eve as a kid when you know tomorrow is gonna be the Shit.

So I side eye the box and keep it moving. Now the ladies in the office don't know that I'm on a diet but can tell I've been dropping the weight. About 5 minutes pass and one of the other ladies sends out the email thanking Angela for the donuts . Then it happens. Someone opens the box and the smell envelopes the room like marijuana does. That type that makes you lift your head up like a groundhog.

I finally cracked. I couldn't take it no more. I bust out of my cubicle like I heard my car alarm going off. Damn near knocked over one of the little ladies in the office who was standing in my way. I grabbed two donuts and polished off one before I got back to my seat. Knocked back the second and was like man I got to get out of here. They melted in my mouth like cotton candy and I knew it was trouble.

I tell the boss, that I was going to go do some work at one of the other schools in our district. I was hoping someone was finish those boxes before I get back. I walked into the next office, say hello to the secretaries and exchange pleasantries. What I had to work on was a server in their data closet. I walk through the door and into the lounge where the closet is and BAM!. Two boxes of Krispy Kremes. Seems someone at this office had the same idea as Angela. I turned around, told the ladies I had forgotten something at the office and I would be back.

Its only 10:15 and I'm scared to go anywhere. I might just go home sick today. These damn donuts are following me. They just be calling me and calling me.......

Oh no this bitch didn't......

Hey peeps, been gone for a minute doing the real life thing. But since I'm up early today and my daughters graduation doesn't start for another three hours I thought I would get one in real quick.

So here is the scenario. I meet this girl a while back and we kick it, I seal the deal and everything is groovy. We don't really do the whole relationship thing just more of a friends with bennies. So one day I'm thinking about her so I shoot her a text. She hits me back and is like hey lets do lunch. blah blah blah. So I'm like sure, let's do it. We plan it and I show up thinking its all good and this heffa shows up with her MAN and they proceed to try and let me know it aint going down like that anymore etc. I'm totally shocked. Bitch could have told me this over the phone or via text right? So it goes further. She tells me they are married and how he is the love of her life and I shouldn't call her anymore. I'm look congratulations etc etc...

So over the next few months I get emails from her but they are all regarding religious ideology and how she is saved and stuff and how I need to settle down and the right woman is out there for me etc. I get probably 2-3 hundred emails a day so I skim over most of them anyway. It got to the point where I didn't even open hers. I just kept it moving to the deleted folder.

Fast forward to yesterday. My daughter has a hair appointment to get her wig split for her promotion this morning. I pull up and scoop up my seed and make some verbal insults to the local Laker Fans standing outside the barber shop. This car pulls up in front of me and look who it is. It's old girl. Now I don't interact with many females in front of my daughter for obvious reasons. So my daughter (very catty) is like who is that daddy. I'm like that's an old friend. Old girl is like trying to make small talk but I'm unresponsive. I'm like I gotta run. Nice seeing you, blah blah blah.

So I continue with my evening and I get up this morning and I got and email from old girl.......


Call me 951 XXX-XXXX... I'm divorced


They always come back................................. I still deleted the email. Fuck that. I don't run a revolving door establishment.

Sad Day

My son (4) has a little girlfriend(5) that lives down the street. She moved away this morning. My son is literally heartbroken. I know as an adult he will get over it but damn if he isn't the saddest person on earth right now. I'm talking that sadness that made me cry with him.

Brother man broke his old man down today. And what do you say to him to get him to bounce back? It's not like he is 16 and you just take him some place where other girls are. He is 4. He isn't interested so much in girls as this was his best friend moving away.

I'm at a loss.

Emenim

Might be angrier than me. Damn, he got issues.

Pump YO Breaks.....

So my grandmother is in town for mother's day and of course she wants to see the kids. So I pick up the kids from school and proceed directly to my moms house. I make the normal friday afternoon stop at the barbershop to get my son's fade tightened up for the weekend and head over to my moms.

Grandmother wasn't there at the time so I just dropped the kids off and kept it pushing. A Friday night unsupervised. WHOA!!! I'm looking for some trouble. I text this girl I had been wanting to seal the deal with and everything is looking good for our hero to getting his freak on. I set it up for a late dinner and drinks. Everything is good. I mash to the house, change the sheets, clean the bathrooms and get the house ready for company.

9pm the bullshit starts. Ol' girl calls with the excuses flowing. I'm like here we go. Why do girls think it's ok to break off dates etc by text? Are you that scared to say it over the phone? What ever.... So I text her back that she is going to have to make it up to me. This heffa replies that she isn't looking for just a booty call and blah blah blah. I can't even remember the rest cause that is what it was. So I'm like uh, you could have been woman enough to state that a few hours ago right? It just hit you all of a sudden? Not to mention I said I wanted to go out, but you said lets just go have some drinks.

By now I'm pissed off and really should have just chalked it up to the game and went home and had a glass of wine and watched some TV. But noooooo your boy had to dig down in the book and find someone to come lay next to me. Mind you it's like 9:30 by now, so it took me a minute to find a replacement.

So I reach (lets call her May) one of my oldies but goodies. She is a little older than me but she takes good care of herself. I talk her into coming out to go have some drinks and hang out. She gets to my spot at about 11 and we head over to yardhouse for some drinks. We are having a good time and we order some food. This chick goes buck wild on the menu ordering this and that and this and that. I'm like damn woman but I know you got to play but I'm still side-eyeing this broad as I order a salad (your boy is on a diet). We eat and chill and have a good time laughing and catching up and we decide to head back to my spot for some drinks.

Back at my spot everything is going good. We are watching movies, touching and feeling and it's getting close to show time. So me, being the spider that I am, starts spinning my web. I move in closer and we start making out like two mice in a wool sock. (sorry I was watching the Klumps) Then all of a sudden she stops. She starts crying and I'm like WTF. I'm like Denzel in a devil with a blue dress (I'm hey you got my going now Corretta) What's wrong? She asks me to turn on the lights so she can see my eyes. I'm like uh oh....Was I passing gas and didn't realize it? Were my lips chapped? What's really going on?

So she starts tell me about this guy she used to date 30 years ago. They had reconnected via facebook (the devils playground) and how they hooked up this past week. She told me that he had a girlfriend that came to her house and whooped her ass. I'm like WHOA! So I reassure her that my house was safe and nothing to worry about over here. She goes on to tell me how she had the police there and all that. So I'm scooting closer to reassure her that everything was ok. By now she is balling. I'm like damn baby its ok..... And then she hits me with IT.

She tells me that homeboy gave her HERPES and he stole her laptop when his girlfriend attacked her. She said a whole lot of other stuff but I was stuck on the herpes part. Now I'm not sure what my face looked like but the way she was looking at me made me think that I had a look like you make when someone has really bad breath. Any sexual tension suddenly left and I started to feel this sudden urge to go wash my hands.

Now she is crying and going on and call me wrong and an asshole but the only thing going on in my mind was BITCH! you owe me 45 dollars for you half of the bill! I am sitting there and it took everything inside me to not shake the shit out of this chick. She knew what I was calling for and it damn sure wasn't so I could play Dr. Phil and counsel this bitch. I'm not Montell or am I the soup kitchen. This bitch knew she was burning like Santa Barbara and she came and ordered like she was gonna call her girl and have a threesome with me.

Yea, I'm sorry she is burning but she is too old to be letting someone hit it raw. I'm sorry she got beat down for it and lost her laptop but I'm most sorry cause this bitch thought it was ok to eat for free. I'm gonna get my money.

WARNING - Guaranteed to make the ladies say awww

Nothing other than me bragging. I make pretty babies. PERIOD!

Boom BAP Pt. 2

Ok so my cousin wanted me to channel my Mack within and go smooth. I wanted to Chris Brown and go off. I went with Mack mode and executed a flawless transfer of negative energy.

She shows up (late) with an excuse about the boss took the ladies in the office to happy hour. I didn't blink and eye. She was clearly intoxicated and being all touchy feely. I let her get all worked up by kissing and rubbing, she got undressed and was standing in front of me and that's when I hit her in the gut. (metaphorically speaking).

"You know, you were right." I said.

"Right about what?" she replied.

"This is some bullshit. You are some bullshit and I'm not dealing with it or you anymore. I think you need to get dressed and leave. My time is too valuable to waste it on someone like you. I don't know what the next man allows you to do but you already know I'm not the one."

"See, this is that bullshit I'm talking about D. Why even have me come over if you were going to do this?" she asked.

"Because, I'm a grown man and I don't fire people via text message or over the phone. What I had to say, needed to be said face to face. Now I know what you are going to say because you are predicatable. You were seeing someone else cause he gives you what I wasn't, blah blah blah. Fact of the matter is, I didn't feel that void because I didn't feel that you were worthy enough."


So the tears began to flow, the cuss words began to fly and I kept it cool. But you know your boy had to get one more in on the way out.

"Something good might still come of this. Hopefully your daughters will see the errors of YOUR ways and don't go down that path when they get older."

To that she replied "FUCK YOU D" and peeled off.

She text me this morning twice already to let me know that I was fucked up for how I did her last night, making her drive home in that condition. I just replied, I had to go, I had a hot date and didn't want to be late.

Boom Boom --

No not the Black Eye Pea's new jam, but the sound that old school Batman made when he was whooping some bad guy's ass. I started the year off saying that I was going to change in '09. It's the year of change right? Why shouldn't I give it a shot too? So it's been 5 months and I've been considerably nicer to people than I normally would. I've let things roll off my shoulders and I've turned the other cheek. IT ENDS TODAY!

I get this text last night and without boring you all with the details, I'll fast forward to the meat of the story. This girl, let's call her Monique, has been getting out of pocket a lot lately. She has been getting slick in the mouth and I've been trying to let it slide. IN ENDS TODAY!

Monique has gotten out of line with me three times in the last two weeks. Normally she would have been on the bad end of my verbal pimp hand but I've been letting it go. I see now, that people are going to push you until you push back. She has pushed me against the wall and now I'm going to push back.

Now your boy has a history of being malicious when it comes to laying the hand down. It's actually a gift. But if I end up with a fork in my back or a brick in my windshield yall will know why.

F*CK Off Friday

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What I want is a meaningful overnight relationship.

I'm not against getting married again one day but, today is just not that day!

I've decided to try out celibacy

Yes you read that right. Your boy is going to give "IT" up and try out celibacy.


At least for the weekend while my kids are home.

Making the Band 4 --- DRAMA

Ok so I don't post on the Making the Band series that much but I thought it funny to post on it today. Did you guys watch that final episode last night? Talk about DRAMA. First with the girls of Danity Kane. Aundrea doesn't show up, so that's a big sign right there. They spin it like she was with family and all this was to much for her but I think it had to do with Aubrey being there. There was so much tension in room that you couldn't even but it. You had to just chip away at it.

The best part of the evening is when Sway asked each girl if she thought they would get back together as a group. What was so funny was when they got to D. Woods she not only didn't answer the questions but took a stab at Dawn. She said she was doing her own thing as well as others in the group doing solo projects "BIG UP TO DAWN". That was one of the supposed issues with the group. The girls didn't like that Diddy was working with Dawn on some solo project.

Dawn spoke about Aubrey doing Broadway while apart of DK and D. Woods not showing up for a DK show to go see Aubrey perform on Broadway.

Aubrey spoke about none of the girls supported her except D. Woods and plugged a new reality TV show about her working on Broadway etc.

The funny part is Aundrea and Dawn have the best voices in the group yet the D Woods and Aubrey are the ones making the most noise.

We know how Diddy works. Don't be surprised if he doesn't release Dawn's album against something that D Woods lets out. Don't be surprised if Diddy has a new show against this Aubrey show too. This cat fight isn't over yet and now that all the girls are out of their contracts the real mud will start to fly.

Oh yea, somebody tell Donnie that men don't wear short shirts. That shit aint cute Bruh. And I think D Woods is kinda cute but those green pants were U.G.L.Y. and made her legs look like tree stumps.

For the Love of Ray-J Finale

So it comes down to three girls. Danger, Cocktail, and Unique. Danger had been the early front runner while Unique has come on strong down the stretch. I picked Danger and Cocktail from the start and figured Unique was there for the drama factor being that she didn't get along with many girls in the house. She played several of the girls and had them dropping like it was a Nelly Video. Cocktail used the snitching technique to move near the top and also was responsible for several girls getting the boot.




Danger had an early connection with Ray and it was obvious to everyone in the house. During week 2 of the show it was reported that she was pregnant and it was with Ray. She claimed to have slept with him every night after the first night and that was when she became pregnant. She later retracted all of these statements after VH1 claimed that she was making it all up. This was the first indication to me that she wasn't the winner. It sounded like someone who was mad and was striking back. She did continue on the show and was very much in the mix coming in to the final episode.

Her stock started dropping in the final couple of episodes leading up the the finale. She cracked during the lie detector test where she admitted to attacking, stalking and fighting with ex-boyfriends. She also admitted to having thoughts about wanting to kill another girl in the house. Kiss of death 1 was when Brandy told Ray she was crazy and not to pick her. Strike 2, Ray finds out that Danger had slept with one of the guys in his posse. Strike 3, mamma Ray J said he would end up in jail in six months if he picked her.

Ray started the final episode by sending Danger home (for her own safety) Yea right, he finally saw the writing on the wall. Like my sister said after seeing her for the first time. THAT BITCH IS CRAZY.












Unique was a slow starter and after some rocking challenges finished strong. She manipulated three girls and they all went home. She played the game very strategic and ended up in the drivers seat near the end. I didn't care for her because she had that I'm better than you bitches attitude and always claimed to be sooo classy. She was pulling it off up until she and danger got in to it a verbal confrontation. She started acting like it was her show and was mad when Ray didn't run to check on her after the fight. She continued to try and make other girls jealous about her solo time with Ray when it wasn't even all that. It didn't work. Her big mistake was flying to her house in Cleveland she told Ray to leave Ray J at the door and bring Willie Norwood Jr. to the door. I would have cut her ass right there on the plane but he went to her house, had a nice dinner and didn't crack under pressure from her mother's questions.








And the last girl was Cocktail. She started the show crying about Ray and she cried when ever the wind blew. She was super sensitive and that's ok but damn, she cried almost every episode. She also was the biggest snitch in the house and was ratting out every girl in the place. It worked out for her in the end and got her to the final three. The difference between her and Unique was she seemed to actually be there for Ray. Unique was trying to act all cool and play that I don't chase no man role. Cocktail was like I'm here, I'm chasing so what. She had some rocky moments leading up to the finale. The other girls tried to burst her bubble and out her about being on another reality TV show. It didn't work. Unique was trying to make her jealous about her solo date and dinner leading up the the final elimination and it didn't work either. What I thought was going to kill her was she is from a REAL Hispanic family. I'm talking rice and beans with every meal, women serve the men type family. Ray was good until it got to the food. They served him some Birro which is Goat and he wasn't feeling it. Now Ray grew up in LA so I'm sure he has had some of the more exotic Mexican food before but he was acting all brand new in this situation. Now Cocktail's family was traditional and a good friend pointed out to me that she knew it when they showed her house. It was a blue house. I'm told that is a sign and now I'm going to drive around my city and check that out. I'm going to find a blue house and see who comes out of it.

So fast forward past meeting the family and Ray takes both girls to Las Vegas for the final eliminations. He spent night one with Unique and it seemed boring. In fact Cocktail made mention that he hair and makeup was still in tact so she couldn't have had that good a time.

Night two was much different and I think it was the deciding factor. Ray had a stripper pole in the shower in his room and him and Cocktail used it, steamed up the whole spot. She went back to her room the next day in a robe and hair looking like she was Tracey Chapman and was driving in that fast car.

In the end, he picked Cocktail and it was a much better match. I was thinking if he didn't pick Cocktail he wasn't picking any of them. In the end it was a good choice. I don't know about for love but baby looked good in that shower.






The funniest part of the final episode was Danger's last confessional. She said she didn't care that she was going home she was going to be with Ray because they loved each other. I was pulling for her early on but damn if that girl didn't go psycho.

I can't wait til the reunion, it's going to JUMP OFF!

I don't like no bad ass kids

PERIOD! I do not like bad ass kids. I just want to whoop their ass. I'm talking about that race car track whooping. That extension cord whooping. I had a run in with some people this weekend. I like to hang out with them but their kids. FUCK NO! They want to just climb all over you, touch your shit, mess up your crib, your kids rooms, your car.

I know your mamma don't have nice shit but don't come around here trying to mess up mine. I can honestly tell yall this. I have met some very nice girls over the years and could really see myself with them if it wasn't for their bad ass kids.

You know the type. You are sitting there and this fucker is bouncing off the walls and his mamma is telling him over and over and over and over the same thing. The only time I have to repeat myself to my kids is if they didn't hear me. PERIOD!

Not these little fuckers. You see it all the time. You pop into walmart to get some soap and decide to see what CDs are on sale. You walk through and these little roaches are running around the damn store like it's the local park. They are bouncing balls, riding bikes, IN THE STORE. Mamma can't find them. They are in the toy aisle. Come get little be-be and them.

Oh and I don't believe in A.D.D. Get off your ass and put that kid to work on something. Make him go outside and play instead of keeping him in the house watching TV and video games. Wear his little ass out then he will be to tired to act up.

Damn I'm getting worked up just thinking about it again.

It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you.

So I've told you guys about this girl I was messing around with. Well it's gotten to that point where I refuse to look past her issues and gave her the boot. Now in '09 I promised to change, so I tried the breakup without cussing her out tactic. It's not working.

Help me understand, because if it were me, I would get it.

Text msg from over the weekend.

Girl - I thought you were calling me back last night.

Me - I didn't want to cut into Manny's time so I called this AM. (Manny is the dude she fwd me his text how he was looking forward to seeing her)

Girl - STOP that, you should have come take care of me.

Me - And I quote - You don't need me. Manny was taking care of you.

Girl - I don't need you just like I don't need any man. I want you.. that is the difference

Me - Naw, you made it very clear, you got options and you don't need me.

Girl - Okay, Why is it always like this. I give up. I QUIT.

Me - Okay

NeXt day

Girl -

Me - Thought you quit. Ask manny.

Girl - it's a question not a date. Manny is a nurse so when i have a medical question I will ask him. I'm asking a computer questions.

Me - I'm not your computer tech. Call the next on the list or I hear Geek Squad helps those who can't help themselves.

Girl - I thought you remained friends with your exes. Why did you sleep with me that night n e way?

Me- You ain't my ex! I'm no longer sleepin with you. Here is a page from your book. Stop contacting me. It's a wrap. We are done.

Girl - But why sleep with me that night. I will answer it for you. You used me for sex.

Me - Used you for sex? I don't need you for sex. I did it because I could. U are either bipolar or passive aggressive. Either case I don't want the trouble, goodbye.

Girl - You are the one. GOOD BYE. Grow up Darnell.

Next day -

Girl - I am mad at you but I miss u.

Next day -

Girl - I miss talking to you first thing in the morning.



WHY? Why won't she just go away? Help your boy figure it out?

Now I could care less about her and some other dude. I just used it as my out since she was dumb enough to try and throw it in my face. Hell, maybe I should start sending her some of my texts that I get. Maybe that will do the trick.

What kind of Idiot are you?

So I've been fooling around with this girl for the last few weeks and it's already been that drama type of thing that you just don't like to deal with. The only reason I've put up with it was because my regulars seem to be trying to teach ME a lesson. HAHA, good luck on that.

So anyway this new girl, lets call her Gina for the purpose of this blog. Gina and I have only seen each other a handful of times since we first met. I've hit it a few times and it's really nothing to tell the boys about. Below average oral skills, not bad any other way because baby has exceptional flexibility. The one thing that I realized the last time she was on top was that she has horrible breath. I'm talking that breath that you make that lemon face and your eyes start watering. And what does a chick with bad breath always try to do; yes she kept trying to kiss me. I must have looked like my 4 year old when I try to give him some medicine. I was moving my head from side to side dodging this death trap full of teeth.

Anyway I digress. So the issue at hand is this. Gina lives like 30 minutes away from me. So she decides she wanted to come visit the Chocolate Boy Wonder (That's ME). It was about 9:30 when she told me she was leaving and she mentioned she was in sweats and asked if it was ok. HELL NO it aint ok. I know she is trying to do this on purpose to test me so I returned serve. I waited til she was about 15 minutes in to her drive and I texted her that my sister and mother were at my house but leaving soon. 90% of the women I deal with are deathly afraid of my sister and my mother. Put them together and it's a no go.

So of course the phone blows up with the I'm not coming, I'm not dressed right. My response, cold and calculated. You should have thought about that before you came out the house like you were going to the gym. I just wanted to prove a point, if you don't want people to see you dressed like that, don't show up to my house like that. I let her know that the ladies were leaving soon and she should be ok.

So an hour passes by and she still isn't here. Now like did she turn around go change and on her way? So I go to call and realize I left my phone in the bathroom. I got get it and I have two missed calls and a text from her. I pick it up and call her back. I am greeted by some four letter words and all that. She is cussing me out left and right. I'm thrown back by all of it and ask her what is her problem.

So here it is and please tell me if I'm wrong.

She said she gets to my house and parks directly across the street. She calls me, waits a few then texts. I don't answer so she goes to the gas station to get gas and then calls and texts again before going home. Remember now, I said it was 30 minutes one way to my house. Now when you are in front of my house you have a clear view of my front door. I have a screen door and when the front door is open at night, you can see straight through to my couch. You can also hear my TV or stereo if it is on.

So my question to her was, if you came all the way here, and were outside.

WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T YOU RING THE DOORBELL?

She claims she thought my sister and mother might still be there and was scared to show up at the door dressed like she was. Sweats, T-Shirt with no bra.

My response was. You could clearly see in to my house and see that nobody was sitting on the couch. You could clearly see no other cars parked on the street or they would be parked exactly where you were parked.

WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T YOU RING THE DOORBELL?

I explained to her that I didn't think she was too smart and calmly proceeded to make her drive back over now at midnight.

So what I learned about this one.

1. Dumb as dirt
2. Bad Breath AGAIN
3. She Snores like a big fat white dude that had been drinking beer and works construction.
4. She has had her last taste of the Chocolate.
5. I need to find a good woman and settle down. I can't continue to deal with people who are beneath me. I'm going to go Chris Brown on one of these fools.

10 Rules for coming to my house (for the ladies)

1. No ponytails - Do something with your wig. We might go out to eat or something.

2. No Sweats - Don't show up looking a homeless person. You don't know if we are going somewhere.

3. If you are supposed to be there at 9. Be there at 9. Don't call at 9 talking about you are running late. Damnit you are already late.

4. If you are going to cancel then don't wait til the time you are supposed to be there to call and cancel. Call ahead of time, you knew before then that you wouldn't make it.

5. Don't leave SHIT. You don't in on the mortgage, don't be leaving anything. No toothbrushes, no hair products, no bras, NADA. Take your shit with you or it may get thrown out if I find it later.

6. NO SMOKING - No explanation needed.

7. Don't ask to switch the channel. - Get yourself some TIVO and tape your shows at your house. I don't go to your house and ask you to turn on the game. I'm not turning off the fight to watch The Real Housewives of Timbuktu.

8. Eat before you arrive. - If I didn't say I'm taking you to dinner or cooking then I'm not feeding your ass. Don't show up on an empty stomach.

9. If I do happen to cook dinner for you. Expect to do the dishes. You might not actually do them but be ready for it anyway. If you get something to eat out of my fridge and I am not eating, You are definitely washing your dishes. Or better yet, get a paper plate or plastic cup.

10. If you made it this far then chances our we have or are having sex. You don't get to pick what side of the bed you sleep on. It's usually the wet spot side. You don't get to monitor the AC / FAN or windows. It's to my liking. This aint your house!


And most importantly and I can't stress this one enough. You don't get to stay in my bed in my house while I run off to work. Get your funky ass up and go to work or at least go home and wash your ass. You don't put in on this mortgage, you don't get to lounge or lay up. When I leave you leave. NO EXCEPTIONS!

For the Love of Ray J - Bad Girls, Bad Girls Watcha Gonna Do?

Tensions continue to rise as the cliques in the house clash even further. Ray asks to find out about the girls' passions and it turns out that four of them love to be scantily clad, no matter what they're doing.

The week starts off with Stacks going home to tend to family issues. Her father was going through cancer treatment and she went home to be with him.

Ray gives the remaining girls 30min to showcase their passion. This episode was boring as hell. The highlight of the show was Cashmere outing Cocktail for being on the Bad Girls Club Season 1 as a gold digger.

Turns out Ray already knew so it didn't have the same effect as the girls were hoping.

At the end of it all Cashmere asks to go home cause she couldn't take the competition anymore.

For the Love of Ray J - The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Oil

A lot of tension has been building in the house between the girls so Ray decides everyone needs to blow off some steam for the next challenge. With the help of renowned boxing trainer Jack Mosley, the girls get a lesson in boxing basics before they take on one another in some very intense ring fighting! The winning team gets a night at a hot dance club with Ray for some fun and craziness.

So first fight is Lil Hood vs. Feisty. Lil Hood comes out and knocks Fiesty down. Feisty gets off the ground and wins the fight. So the next fight is supposed to be cocktail v stacks but Unique gets scared and talks the rest of her group to not fight claiming they are too much of a lady to behave like this.

So the challenge goes to Danger, Cocktail, Chardonnay and Lil Hood. And because she was the only one from her team to fight and she actually won, Ray decides to bring Feisty along to the club also. This pisses off Lil Hood because she feels that she has to share Ray with Feisty let along the rest of the girls on her team.

So the ladies and Ray hit the club and party in the VIP. Drinks are flowing and Lil Hood gets a little too forceful. She tells Ray that he can take her in to the bathroom and get it popping. Now 9 out of 10 times if a girl says that to a guy it's hot. This was that 10th time though and it was trashy.

The next day Cocktail gets into Lil Hoods head about the night before and sets her off right before elimination. Lil Hood calls a house meeting to confront the other girls about them talking shit about her. Problem is they didnt. She ends up looking like an ass in front of everyone and they are all laughing at her which sets her off more and more.

Lil Hood is furious from the entire situation. She goes ahead and eliminates herself. But before she goes, she does get in a good shot at Ray. She tells him that he is a spoiled brat and wouldn't be shit without the fame and the money. She said she was REAL and was out like shout. I guess!

For the Love of Ray - Something about Larry

Ok so I've been slacking on the recaps so here I am to get you caught up real quick.

The girls are now aware that Cocktail is snitching on all of them and tensions are high. Ray starts the show off by getting into the jacuzzi with some of the girls and gets real close to Cocktail.

The next morning the girls find out what their challenge is. They have to put on a old town Motown revue for Ray and his father. Unique is claiming that this is a slam dunk because of her music background. So the teams get broken down. Unique, Chardonnay and Fiesty is group 1. Danger, Stacks and Caviar is group 2, and Cocktail, Lil Hood and Cashmere make up group 3.

So Group 2 goes first. And it is a train wreck. Danger is the lead singer and sounds like she is tone deaf. Caviar can't dance to save her life and looks like she just got off of a boat and still had sea legs. HILARIOUS.

Group 3 is next and they can't sing but hold it together for the most part. Everything was good until they break into some booty shaking, in front of his dad. Not a good look.

Group 1 is on deck and Unique is strutting like they got this. She is the only girl with a voice. She starts into her song and is flowing until BAM! She forgets the words. AGAIN. I mean she totally screws it up AGAIN just like in the video chat. If it wasn't for her team members they would have just been the worst. They other two girls are bringing them from the dead and here comes Unique with the ad-libs like she was Keisha Cole.

Group 3 wins the challenge and Cocktail wins the solo date which was spending the night with Ray in the club.

Ray takes the other two girls out to wine tasting and Lil Hood embarrasses herself. She was claiming that her and Ray had so much chemistry but the video showed otherwise.

Caviar must have been feeling the heat she shows up to Rays room before eliminations to give Ray a little lap dance. It makes Ray suspicious and he takes a hint given to him by Cocktail and he checks the phone records and find out Caviar had been calling a guy back in Chicago. Turns out Ray knew the guy and this dude, Larry outs Caviar. Said she was just there for exposure.

Fast forward to elimination.

Caviar gets the boot. In fact Ray told her to get her shit and get the hell out. RIGHT NOW!

I think Caviar saved Lil Hood cause she was for sure getting sent home before this turn of events.

Internet Dating Horror - Throw some "D"s on it.

Triple D's at that. So I get this message on myspace (before I fired TOM) and this young lady tells me that I heard that we have met before. I'm like I don't believe so but what ever, I'll play along. She tells me that we have a mutual friend and that we met at a going away party for this friend. Now I remember the party but not this girl. Mind you, I had started talking to baby about a year ago but it never went anywhere, so I'm confused by this whole new look on things.

So we chop it up for a few days and it's time for that first meeting. Now you guys know my rule but after talking to this girl for a bit I decide to break my own rule. I agree to let baby come to my house. So before our meeting we talk about everything from politics to sports. And I have to admit this girl has me interested. She does tell me about her issues with other females etc etc and I'm like ok, not that big a deal. Girls hate on her because guys are always approaching her blah blah blah. She tells me story after story about her friends and I'm like ok she hangs with some losers but what ever.

So one of the things we talk about was she has large breastessess. She goes on to tell me she has big ta tas, flat stomach and a big butt. I'm like $$$$$$ but I need to verify this before. I've been duped before and not falling for some fancy camera tricks and photoshop.

So baby shows up to the house and the face is average but she did have some LARGE breasts. The stomach wasn't exactly flat but wasn't as round as mine so it was cool. She was a solid size 12 and I'm ok cool. So we head out to get some sushi and some drinks. Throughout the night the convo is on point and I'm feeling pretty good about this. Finally, one that I could see again. So as we eat I'm glancing down and checking out the good and the weather in the sushi spot was a little chilly so the head lights were on full beam. Now, I don't know what the proof is on sake but I was starting to feel pretty good but, I am noticing that her nipples were a little high on her chest. I've been having some issues with my eyes lately and just thought the sake and my vision were on some other level.

She must have saw me talking to her boobs cause she started telling me a story about them. 36DDD and perky. I'm a typical guy so I'm not knowing but I ask cause I'm a boob man. How can that be? How can you have that much and still perky? Is this some super wonder bra? She tells me that she has had some work done and she almost died from it. Now I have heard stories (Kanye West's mom, Coretta King) about complications from cosmetic surgeries. She tells me that her and a friend went to TJ to have these procedures done. I'm like that isn't very smart you know. She goes on and on about the complications and the infections etc etc.

So fast forward a few hours and we are back at my spot, both feeling good, head on tilt from all the saki and wine and we start making out. I got my ipod already set on my "letsgetbuttnakedandfuck" play list and I'm letting K.E.M. bring it home for me. Next thing I know baby girl is asking if she can see my room. BINGO!!!! I tell her that I didn't think that was best (I like to play that role like I'm not a dog) I let her know that the big bad wolf lives in that room and I can't promise her that she won't get eatten like little red riding hood. She laughs and pulls me into the room. Needless to say, the wolf came out....

So the wolf is out and doing what he does and "I" start to check out the good under the moon light and thats when I see it. It was just like that email floating around about the model suing the cross-eyed plastic surgeon. They weren't even pointing the same directions. It was like some bad disco move on dance fever. The nipples were coming and going and she had a scar like she got hit with a train in the side. I couldn't even do it. That sake wore off way to fast.

Bitch, I'M the bomb, like TIC-TIC

So I've been keeping my head down and doing my thing. I'm trying to keep my bills low and my grind high. I've been on a few dates the last few weeks and your boy has a kill ratio of 100%. Nothing to write home about but something to do nonetheless. So the latest, we'll call her TJ, texts me this morning in response to a message I sent her. She tells me that she was busy and it is what it is. I'm dumbfounded and have no idea why she is coming off on me. I respond, damn is it like that to which she replies yep, take care.

Ok, so i'm back tracking and trying to retrace my steps from the last 24 hours. What is going on? Did I send her a text or email meant for someone else? Nope! Have I called her and ask for some other girl? Nope! For the life of me I can't figure it out.

Let me fall back to the start of my day so you can see where my head is at today. I am on a 12 hour fast. I have to go to the doctor to do some blood work so I can't eat or drink. So needless to say I'm already irritable and not in the best frame of mind. Then this chick that I've only been out with once is trying to check me? OH HELL NO!

Someone done told her wrong. Just because I let me membership to the Riverside Chapter of the Ike Turner fan club expire don't mean that I won't lay it down. Quiet as it's kept, I am the new president of the Chris Brown fan club and you just threw my keys out of my ride.I calmly let this trick know, that I am wrong neya to FUCK WIT. I don't play with people's kids! I quit school cause of recess!

Turns out this bitch is all uptight over a comment left for me on my myspace by another girl. So she gets her panties all in a bunch as we were married and I got her sister knocked up. I calmly let her know that she hasn't even known me long enough to question me let alone give ME tude.

I fire TJ, the girl who left the post, and TOM! Yes I even deleted my myspace. If you want to know what I'm doing so bad follow my twitter or text me. Either way, (in my best Ice Cube voice) I'm the wrong Neya to phuck wit!


Oh and my daughter went away to camp today :( Today is not the day to test me.

Internet Dating HORROR - The Hoodwink Pt. 2

So I told you all the story of the HOODWINK and the girl who gave me a photo of herself about what she is going to look like once she gets done with her work out program.

So yesterday I'm in Target picking up some things for around the house. I have my son with me (4) and we are discussing why he thinks he REALLY NEEDS to get a hot wheel racing car (he needed it because he never had one like this one by the way). So we are standing in line about to purchase these items + the new hot wheel car and he says to me. "Daddy, why is that big lady staring at us?" I look over and sure enough this woman is staring at us like we were the last piece of pie in the dish. I look away real fast not to make eye contact.

We step closer to the register and my son is tugging on my shirt. "Daddy.... Daddy, she is still staring at us." I started to tell my son to tell her staring is not nice but I knew he would actually do it. I turn to get another glance because I didn't know this person. Sure enough she was and now she is waving. Not that wave that you do when you are trying to get someone's attention. She was doing that wave where you just bend your fingers.

I'm like OH hell no, not today, not with my son. I've got a reputation and my son is used to seeing me interact with purty girls. I can't have his views tarnished so I turn back around, start making small talk with the cashier. Suddenly it gets dark like when the clouds roll in on a movie set. The birds stopped singing, the horses start running and hound dogs start howling. I get a tap on my shoulder and my knees lock up. I now know why the little white girl in the scary movies keeps falling down!

I turn around and sure enough it's the girl who been staring. I'm like damn are you serious? She is all on me. "Hey, Darrell how you been?" Now anyone who knows me, knows that I hate being called Darrell, My name is DARNELL damnit get it right. Without a pause, skipping a beat or anything my little man takes one for the team. He throws himself on the grenade for his old man. My daddy's name isn't Darrell. You got the wrong guy. She immediately turns her attention to my son and tells him that he is sooo cute. He backs up from her and puts himself out of harms reach.

She tells me that she just wanted to say hi and we should get together for a drink or something. I ask her if we had met before and she says dang, like that? You don't remember me? It's me Tanitia! I looked at her again and sure enough it was. This is the girl who gave me the photo and had the halitosis. I'm like, oh hey, how you been? I had to cut her off quick, yea the drinks probably not gonna happen. I'm getting married. My son started to chime in and I had to cover his mouth and shut him up. So we exchange greetings and salutations and both head to the parking lot.

I start walking slow cause I didn't want anyone thinking I'm with this woman at all. We get to the truck and I get everything loaded up. I get my son in his seat and strap him in and he tells me, "Daddy, that woman had bad breathe, she needs to brush her teeth"

Four years old is my favorite age for kids!

What am I looking for?

So you know how you meet a girl and everything is fresh and cool. You eventually get to that series of serious questions. The one that is funny to me is "What are you looking for" I'm looking to blow that back out. DUH! Ok so you can't answer with that one really but what do you say to it?

I'm looking for an equal? Naw that aint it. I don't feel I have one. Let's not bullshit. Am I looking for a booty call? Nope, been there done that. That's too easy and don't have to look for it. Am I looking for love? Negative, I don't think you can look for that. It either happens or it doesn't.

What I'm looking for is perfection.

Old school values, new school hustle. Florida Evans (good times)meets Rochelle Black (everybody hates chris) meets (random porn star). The woman that holds the family down and keeps shit in order. A real ride or die bitch. Someone who has my back no matter what and no matter why. Shoot first ask questions later. A woman who wakes me up cause she hears a someone break into our house. I reach over to get my shoes and she is loading the clip in her gun and hands my mind. That's what i want.

Now where is this girl? /shrug. I might have met her already and just don't know it. Maybe I met her when I was in the Navy and let her move away to Texas? Maybe I met her in the 2nd grade and just didn't know it. Maybe she is at the BBQ spot tonight picking up some ribs. Who knows?

No matter where she is, I bet when I meet her she doesn't ask me what am I looking for. She already knows because she is looking for me.....

YOU TRYIN TO HELP IKE? errr CHRIS???

Ok so a modern day Ike and Tina? Your self respect is so low that you let a nigga go ninja on your ass and you go back to him? I'm no salty ass dude and could actually care less what a nigga do in his own house with his own woman but damn. Is his shit that good? Now I pride myself on my sex game, and I have put some chicks through some shit but damn I need to rethink my level of satisfaction. Clearly I'm not doing it as well as I thought I was. I'm not able to go Sho'NUFF on a bitch and have her stay with me.

Can one of you ladies help me understand? I mean damn, is good dick that hard to find? I want it to be said here and now so there is no misunderstanding. I have an 11 year old daughter that is down right frustrating. These pre-teen years have been rough on your boy, and I know it's only going to get worse. But let it be noted for the record. If a man goes HARPO on my baby girl "I'LL SEES HIMS DEAD!" Had I been Rhianna's father yall wouldn't be able to find Chris Brown. I will go Hannibal Lectre on his ass and feed him to some hungry fish out in the middle of the ocean. Shit a nigga talk to my baby funny and it's gonna be some furniture moving. I'm gonna bust his head to the white meat. See I would ensure that it wouldn't only happen once. She wouldn't have had a chance to get back with him. His ass would be ground up and sprinkled over my front yard like fertilizer.

Every body involved in this fuckery needs their ass kicked. Chris, Rhianna, Her Dad, all of the above.

Shit I need a fucking drink, this shit got my blood pressure up.

Internet Dating HORROR - HOUSE

So I get up early and check my email to find an email from a young lady wanting to know me. I don't check my black planet page much anymore but it's still there. I check out the photo and it's full of head shots so my radar is blowing up. I shoot a note back and ask her to email me back some recent photos. She does and it is all good.

It was Friday night and I had no plans. I have my kids on most weekends so when I don't have them, I often forget to plan something. I go online and my new friend has left me her number. I am like; Ok let's see what's up. I shoot her a text and find out that she is at the mall around the corner. She asks me to meet her a Starbucks and I'm like sure, I'll be there in 20.

I arrive at the spot and see her sitting outside. I walk up and my fears were put to rest. She was actually very cute. I'm like; Ok we can work with this. We sit down and chat it up for hours. We decide to go pick up something to eat and go to my spot. The conversation is good, she looks good, and I'm starting to let the guard down. That's when it happened.

We are sitting at my dining room table eating and I keep hearing this ticking sound. I'm talking about a ticking like a bomb. I get up several times to check things. I check my smoker, my computers, and can't find anything. She finally asks me what I'm looking for and I ask her if she can hear that ticking sound. I'm sipping some of my sweat tea and she very calmly informs me that, that was her. She tells me that she has cardiomyopathy and has something like a pacemaker.

I start to choke violently and got light headed cause I choked so bad. When I get myself together I couldn't even finish eating. You know your boy has done lots of things but I couldn't bring myself to do this. That's just what I need, this girl dying in my bed from a heart attack. I can hear my sister now, "Hey Big Brah, what's going on man? What you do?" Oh nothing at all sis, just killed a bitch.

Hey wait a minute, that might be good for the rep. I may need to re-think this.

Everybody hates Chris

Damn man, I know you are from the south but damn dude you need your ass whooped for putting in work like this. I didn't know you were a card carrying member to the Ike Turner Fan club.

For the Love of Ray-J Act 3

Another week of reality brings us back to our favorite "D" list singer and his quest for love. This week starts off like the last, the girls are hating on Danger. (more on that in a minute) They don't like the fact that she got the glass first in the last two eliminations. Needless to say there is some serious catty activity going on.

The girls get called to the room for the normal message from Ray. They end up moving out to the location of today's challenge. Ray has set up a game show (Family Feud) type for the girls. He splits the girls up in two cliques. Instantly you can see the division of the girls. You have the so called distinguished ladies vs. the party clan. Needless to say the party girls get blanked and lose the date with Ray.

The ladies make it back to the house and the drama gets going fast. Danger approaches stacks while she is on the phone and Stacks dismisses her to which Danger said "You don't have to act like a bitch about it" It's instantly on and the shit talking goes full swing. Stacks gets off the phone and gets her posse. They start Danger bashing and one of the other girls informs this posse that Danger said she didn't like any of them and they were all bitches. HERE WE GO!!!!

So Unique, Stacks and Cashmere decide they are going to confront Danger who is by herself outside having a smoke (eww). So they are getting all swole about what they gonna cuss her out and talk shit to her and BAM!!!!! Unique asks Danger if she told the other girls in the house that she said she didn't like them. YEP, I don't like you guys, you don't like me, it's no big thing it's a competition. She stopped these hoes dead in their tracks. They were truly taken back by the fact that she was so calm and dismissed this angry mob with ease. It was truly a work of art. They walked away plotting even more on how they were going to monopolize Ray-J the next day at their group date and keep her left in the cold.

On the solo date with Ray, your girl Stilts gets called out for having a wedding ring on her hand. She confirms that she is still legally married. Needless to say your boy Ray was taken aback by it. 1. If you were separated and still wore your ring don't you wear it on the other hand? 2. Her reason for why they weren't divorced was because she hasn't found anyone else and it wasn't a big deal, is such B.S. 3. At least not wear that ring when you trying to get at someone else.

My girl Danger isn't one to be fucked with and is smarter than the rest of these girls by far. They all go out on the group date and danger switches up her look. She straightens her hair and baby was looking good. Ray takes the girls shopping and these three girls lose focus as soon as they enter the store. They start shopping for themselves while Danger locked Ray up all to herself by shopping with him in mind and involving him in everything she picked up. Before the other girls knew what hit them they were the ones left out in the cold and all they could hear was Mystical in their heads. DANGER!!! watch cho self, sho me what you working wit!! It was too late, Check and Mate. Danger outsmarted the unruly trio and they were left standing with their mouths open asking each other WTF just happened?

While the girls are on their group date the girls who lost are at home all butt-hurt and start plotting. Cocktail gets dirt on Stilts and Caviar. Cocktail and Chardonnay give Ray a massage and start throwing girls under the bus. Needless to say their plan worked.





It comes down between Caviar and Stilts and in the end Ray couldn't get past her being married. BOUNCE STILTS!

Now on to Danger...... She is claiming to be pregnant from Ray-J

“There is no way the baby can be anyone’s but Ray J’s,” [Danger] told the ENQUIRER in an exclusive interview…”I was locked in a mansion with him and 13 girls from October until the end of December. Toward the end of the first week of filming, we made love for the first time - and we slept together every night after that! I didn’t want to fall for Ray J, but he was so charming it became impossible not to. I was in love with him, and as strange as it might sound, I think he loved me.”

We have to see how this plays out but by the last sentence of this I'm starting to think he picked someone else. Let’s see if my horse wins the race at least she was in it till the end it seems.

I'm hard on dem hoes......

"I want the money
Money and the cars
Cars and the clothes -
THE HOES ...
I suppose...I just wanna be, I just wanna be
SUCCESSFUL" -Drake (So Far Gone)

Not sure what it was last night but I was on one. You know the mood I'm talking about. That mood you get in and you are just waiting for someone to look at you wrong so you can pounce on them like a Lion on a injured gazelle. Well your boy was his normal King of the Jungle self last night and proceeded to slap the flesh off some gazelles that decided to set me off.

Unlike the king of the jungle that kills to eat, I do it cause I can. So victim #1 shoots me a message on myspace talking about not feeling the love and that someone obviously is getting my attention because she wasn't. Now this is out of the blue but I knew it would happen. She is that insecure type. You know the type I mean, she knows how many friends I have on myspace and goes around and checks their pages out to see if I post on their page. I had someone comment on my page and on some of my photos. Yep, I could have called this one. Her fatal mistake was putting it in a message. I was already half way through a bottle of Pinot Noir so my fangs came out quick and the strike was quick, deliberate and fatal. "If you less time worrying about the next bitch and more time learning how to please me you wouldn't have to worry about who is posting on my site. In fact remove yourself from the equation, stay off my page and check out her page and ask her to teach you how to please a man"

Victim #2 decided to call me a hoe. So I put her on ignore. Wouldn't answer the calls, the texts, emails or anything. Women don't like that shit at all and it ate her up. It's mental warfare and most people can't handle it. And in this case it completely fucked her up. The texts went from fine then I'm done, you gonna miss this blah blah blah. By the end of the night it was I'm sorry, can you just talk to me and let me fix this. I didn't so much pounce on this one but more so, I scratched her neck and let her bleed to death while I sat and watched from a hill.

Victim #3 So this girl was suppose to come over Tuesday. We had set it up like a week before and of course Tuesday she flaked, playing the I need to deal with my kids card. Now normally I understand that, but don't come at me a few days later and say some shit like I should take you to lunch the next day. Oh no you didn't bitch... Once again, the kill was fast and I don't think she even saw me charging. "You have me confused with someone trying to hook up with you. You canceled on me Tuesday so it's your responsibility to get back in my good graces and not the other way around. Someone told you that because you got a snatch the world was yours. You need to check your pockets for the receipt because you don't own this world. It is in fact MY WORLD due to the fact that between you and I, I am the catch. You approached me not the other way around. You aint even that fly, but you do that thing with your mouth so I was overlooking your physical flaws, but you got it twisted."

I slept good last night, I enjoy leaving carnage all around the jungle. I did get a good morning call from each lady this morning all asking if we could talk and they were all sorry and wanted to make it up to me. I'm bored with my current team though, so I think I'll keep just one of them and replace the others. If you don't even have enough respect for yourself to tell me to go fuck myself, then why would I even want you????????

(disclaimer - tell me to go fuck myself will get you broke down like a car with four flats)

I can't believe my own eyes..

From G's to Gents Round 2.

I'm sitting here watching TV and I see it is coming on, so I say let's see what these dudes look like this go round before I go to bed. I am seriously stopped dead in my tracks. WTF is this bullshit tomfoolery. For once in my life I am at a loss for words so I'm just going to post some of the photos of these real life idiots.


















MTV has done it. I think I am officially done with reality tv. And to think Jamie Foxx has his name associated with this crap. This wigger has a real life MTV tattoo on his neck, complete set of grills and skittles braided into his corn rolls. Damn, I need to slap somebody.

50k bail?

So what does it take to piss a 19 year old with the world at his mercy so mad that he goes Ike Turner on his girl? Yes, she is from those islands and was probably slick in the mouth but what made him do it?

Did she tell him her album did better than his?

Did she tell him she was pregnant?

Did she tell him Usher was a better dancer?

Did she tell him she was leaving him for R-kelly?

Did he go to the restroom and discover crabs, the burn or herpes?

I'm just trying to figure it out.

Can someone help me figure it out?

Ray J Pt 2 Video Chat

So tonight our boy Ray J puts the girls through the first challenge. They have to make a video chat to see who wins the date with your boy. So I start thinking how much can you show somebody on the ichat?

In no particular order, this week’s points of awesomeness include:
- The girls’ respective ideas of what constitutes entertainment.

STACKS



She puts on her ballet outfit and does a little dance. BORING!!!! But hey that ass was banging in those tights.



Unique



She starts to sing a song that she wrote and couldn't remember the words. FIRED! In my best Simon Cowell voice.




Caviar



I can't even tell you what she did, I think it was some poem in Russian. I honestly turn the volume down when she talks but damn she is fine.



Cocktail



Baby gets her go-go dancing on. HOT.





Danger



Ok she starts freaking out mid episode and starts to hyperventilate. Seems she is an artist and she is sensative about her shit!



Genuine



Ok, now this one was a bit confusing. She did a belly dance, but baby girl had just a tad to much belly. Not a good look.




Feisty



What does it say about you when your Talent is drinking out of a beer bong?





Lil Hood



Ok this broad talked shit while Unique was singing. She was clowning and then got up and started to sing / rap





“You ain’t gotta take your shades off to see that I’m grindin’…
‘Cause gettin’ money’s just an occupation
If it ain’t about a dollar, then it ain’t ’bout Nathan.
Catch me in the Coupe, chicken noodle soup
All set and shiny, deep dish 22s.
I painted it green, now I’ll call it Mountain Dew.”


WTF?????



Atomic Bomb



Ok, this broke looking J-Lo busts out a jacket that she hit up with a bedazzler. I mean come on, my 11 year old is more creative.




Chardonnay



Ok she starts off with a nice poem. It was worthy of Def Poetry Jam, but then....
This hoe goes bananas. I'm talking she made a banana split out of herself.




So needless to say he takes Danger, Cocktail (my two favorites) and Chardonnay on the winners date. They take a ride on a yacht and he gets all lovey dovey with Danger. While he was out with the three lucky winners he had the losers get their nails and feets did. During this time it comes out that Genuine is there only for exposure.

Fast forward to eliminations.

Danger and Cocktail get the first two glasses and he sends not only Genuine but Atomic Bomb home too. I can't say that I blame him. Both were boring and not as cute as the others.