10 Rules for coming to my house (for the ladies)

1. No ponytails - Do something with your wig. We might go out to eat or something.

2. No Sweats - Don't show up looking a homeless person. You don't know if we are going somewhere.

3. If you are supposed to be there at 9. Be there at 9. Don't call at 9 talking about you are running late. Damnit you are already late.

4. If you are going to cancel then don't wait til the time you are supposed to be there to call and cancel. Call ahead of time, you knew before then that you wouldn't make it.

5. Don't leave SHIT. You don't in on the mortgage, don't be leaving anything. No toothbrushes, no hair products, no bras, NADA. Take your shit with you or it may get thrown out if I find it later.

6. NO SMOKING - No explanation needed.

7. Don't ask to switch the channel. - Get yourself some TIVO and tape your shows at your house. I don't go to your house and ask you to turn on the game. I'm not turning off the fight to watch The Real Housewives of Timbuktu.

8. Eat before you arrive. - If I didn't say I'm taking you to dinner or cooking then I'm not feeding your ass. Don't show up on an empty stomach.

9. If I do happen to cook dinner for you. Expect to do the dishes. You might not actually do them but be ready for it anyway. If you get something to eat out of my fridge and I am not eating, You are definitely washing your dishes. Or better yet, get a paper plate or plastic cup.

10. If you made it this far then chances our we have or are having sex. You don't get to pick what side of the bed you sleep on. It's usually the wet spot side. You don't get to monitor the AC / FAN or windows. It's to my liking. This aint your house!


And most importantly and I can't stress this one enough. You don't get to stay in my bed in my house while I run off to work. Get your funky ass up and go to work or at least go home and wash your ass. You don't put in on this mortgage, you don't get to lounge or lay up. When I leave you leave. NO EXCEPTIONS!