I need Jesus.

I need him right now and every day.

So I am working at a school on the better side of town. I start walking down the hill to the playground to hit a few portables down on the field. I'm walking behind a lady and some little boy who is crying. They pull away from me as I start looking at building numbers looking for the correct room I need to be in.

I reach the door of the room and as soon as I open it I hear the same kid still crying. I scan the room and locate the teacher. This is an elementary school and the kids in this class look to be 4th grade. I interact with the teacher and she directs me to the place I need to be working. She shows me the computer which is off in the back of the room. The whole while this kid is screaming.

I realize I'm in a special needs room and it's lunch time. The kid is yelling "FUCK YOU, I WANT MY MOM, CALL MY MOM, THIS ISN'T FAIR" "I HATE YOU" "CALL MY MOM" "FUCK YOU GIVE ME A ZERO, I WANT MY MOM. THIS ISN'T FAIR"

Now I'm a dark chocolate complexion with a tinge of caramel, but I must have been white like flour because the teacher was asking me are you ok? I'm staring at this kid, and now that the teacher has walked over to me, the kid is staring at me too. Now I'm a big dude and kids are usually intimidated by me and won't look me in the eye. Not little Chucky. He was looking at me like say something fat boy and I'll whoop yo ass. So I half-assed worked on this ladies computer and give her some B.S. excuse why I couldn't fix it right then. The whole time I'm watching this kid who is still SCREAMING for someone to call his mother.

I start to walk near the door and this little bastard takes off his shoes and throws them at me. I turned around and looked at him but he wasn't scared or backing down. It took all of my might not to go over and shake his little ass. Special needs or not I wanted to take off my belt and wear his ass out. I wanted to beat him like you knew that James Evans was capable of doing. This little f*cker needed a beating. I'm talking about that beating you got when you used your mammas good towels to make capes from. That beating you got when told your Big Mamma that there was no God. I wanted to make it rain on this little boy.

I was hoping that the teacher would beat him when nobody was looking but I was on the wrong side of town for that. He might have gotten a time out but I don't think he even got that. I had to call my kids last night and tell them that I loved them. Not for any reason other than, they haven't gotten me thrown in jail for acting crazy.

Random Funny youtube video

Barack does single ladies.

Reality Show..

Ok so I was watching the real chance of love reunion. WEAK. I stand to my earlier statements. Chance is gay. But I digress.

My boy Ray-J has a show starting Monday. Now we all know how far back my family and his goes. His dad sung at my uncles wedding some 30 years ago. My sister just loves her some of her best friend Brandy and I think we all went to the same church for years.

Anyway, he has the best looking females on a reality except for maybe Hoops (damn I love that woman). So Hood was bad as hell too but what ever. Ray-J has some funny people (Big Boi from Power 106, Tommy Davidson) and has these girls jumping through all types of hoops (damn i said it again huh. Excuse me I need a minute).

I'm going to watch and recap this show for all you peeps who can't stay up that late.

Holla -

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Internet Dating HORROR - The Wingman

So my boy hits me up and tells me he got a girl coming down to meet him at a club in my area. So he talks me into it by promising free drinks etc. Who am I to turn down some drinks? I get dressed and he picks me up and we mash to the spot. Now I should have known better but the thought of free drinks had my vision blurry. Half way there I start asking questions though. He tells me that these girls are coming down from Magic Mountain area (2hrs away). I immediatley go in on him about what you mean two girls? He said the one he is seeing has a friend with her.

Now I'm pissed! You all know my rules about meeting random girls from the net in public places. I let him know that I won't stand for any phuckery and he assures me that it's all good. I should have jumped out of the moving car right then. We walk into the spot and I start to scan the floor. Just my luck, a few guys I know from the barbershop. I'm super nervous now but I start drinking to set my mind right.

I'm in the back of the spot sipping on a dirty martini (shaken not stirred) and my boy is walking up to me with some pep in his step. He has this look in his face like a mailman being chased by pit bulls. He walks up to me and orders a double crown royal and gets me a refill. I knew right then that I wasn't going to be happy. I'm standing near the restrooms (phones) and he hands me his phone. He asks me to put it on vibrate and he dips into the restroom. Soon as he was out of site the phone starts to vibrate and light up. It was like the 4th of July was coming out of that phone in this dark club. I look up and see two of the biggest heffas looking right at me.

They start there approach and out of the corner of my eye I see the homies from the baber shop headed my way too. The girls get up to me and ask me if my name was Darnell. I looked this woman dead in her face and said. "NOPE, I'm LeSean" They are like Oh you look like a friend of ours. (since when did we become friends i'm thinking?) I keep my trap shut and slide the phone in my pocket. One turns around and faces away from me and the other is looking at my like I was a bowl of chocolate covered pork chops. The phone in my pocket is vibrating like crazy but I refuse to look down. I had a good mind to talk to these women just to torture my boy but they were obviously hungry and not about any games.

I took the electric slide as a chance to distance myself from the big girls and eased to the exit. I went to the car and waited on my boy to make his way out.
I slapped him dead in the mouth, like I was Ike Turner and he was Tina. I wont go anywhere with him ever again.

I tell you I can't make this stuff up...

Actually transcripts from some chick that hit me up on yahoo.

Brandi: hello I love your eyes
Darnell: thank you
Brandi: how are you
Darnell: good and you?
Brandi: good as I can be
Brandi: so what ever happened to you showin me another pic
Brandi: Ill show you a recent one
Darnell: another pic of what?
Brandi: your entire face
Brandi: all I see is your eyes
Darnell: you obviously have me confused with someone else but ok i'll play along
Brandi: I dont
Brandi: I asked a long time ago
Darnell: i just put this pic up
Brandi: I appologized cause I thought you had become offended by me or my big mouth
Brandi: are you still there
Brandi: or am I interupting you
Darnell: yes
Darnell: im here
Brandi: ok
Brandi: so you have great eyes
Darnell: ty

So now I start to fuck with her.

Brandi: Im not just getting fresh with you
Darnell: thatts too bad
Brandi: haha
Brandi: you are funny
Brandi: I dont like to get dirty before I know you
Darnell: but after you its ok?
Darnell: so tell me something about you that i don't already know
BrandiI love to fish
Brandi: I havent gone in 18yrs
Darnell: Yea, that's love
Darnell: So tell me about your last relationship. why did it end, what are you looking for now and how would your ex describe you
Brandi: I needed too much sex
Brandi: hes 48
Brandi: and hes wont finish his divorce
Brandi: He would say I am humble sexy and crazy
Brandi: but that my heart is huge
Brandi: he calls me Cpt. Save a ho
Darnell: So are you saying that you needed sex to much and he couldn't hang because he is 48? How old are you? And define wanted to much sex
Brandi: he is 48 im 31
Brandi: I like to have sex at least 3-4 times aweek
Darnell: and that was too much for him?
Brandi: yep
Darnell: so that was why you broke up? I take it you broke up with him?
Brandi: yep
Brandi: I was only gettin it once a week maybe twice then he was only servin me once every two weeks
Darnell: so did the younger men satisfy you? or you are still on that mission to be pleased?
Brandi: well I enjoyed the sex because I was finally able to have someone go all night with me I love 4-5 hours of crazy ass love making and hot sex
Brandi: but I still cant cum
Darnell: maybe it's you
Brandi: I dont know why probably cause im not in love with them
Brandi: maybe its cause im fat

Now I start just acting up

Darnell Jenkins: that could be it
Brandi: the Dr. says when a woman gains too much weight it can happen
Darnell: Oh yea, so fat girls can't cum? I never knew that
Brandi: I dont know
Darnell: i'm gonna have to ask some big girls that I know, if they can reach climax
Brandi: Im sure this wasnt what you had in mind when you signed up to meet ppl
Brandi: he is a lil shorter than most
Darnell: yea this is a very interesting convo especially seeing how i don't know you
Darnell: ok i just asked 4 girls that are all big girls and they all said they don't have any problem cumming
Brandi: not knowing me must make you not want to get to know me
Brandi: especially now
Brandi: im pretty embarrassed now
Darnell: why now?
Brandi: so I dont know what to say now
Brandi: because I was wanting to get to know you but I am a very Honest person
Brandi: my honesty has put me in this position
Darnell: i see. so what makes you want toget to know me?
Brandi: anways I liked the trojan sweatshirt and I was gonna rag on you for being a fan
Brandi: my 10year old loves the bruins
Darnell: sorry for that
Darnell: So just so you know. I don't like having sex 4-5 hours at a time
Darnell: I like to get it done within 1 hour
Brandi: so does that mean you arent interested
Darnell: i'm just letting you know
Brandi: well if its good and it puts you to sleep than thats all that counts right
Darnell: no i like to cum
Brandi: I guess knowing what you know your turned off by me
Brandi: its cool
Darnell: i didn't say i was turned off, why would you think that? cause i don't want to fuck all night?
Brandi: Im just a person tryin to find another person to hang with and share with
Brandi: no Im sorry
Brandi: I just have not been very popular
Brandi: Im a bigg girl
Darnell Jenkins: ooohhh? how big is bigg?
Brandi: and I get a bunch of shit from my ex
Brandi: 285
Brandi: 5'6"
Brandi: Green eyes
Brandi: light brown hair
Im losing weight cause this year after the baby I became a diabetic
Brandi: and I want to live a healthy life
Brandi: Ive lost 10.5 lbs in the last 9 weeks
Brandi: not alot I know but im trying
Darnell: you had a baby this year already?
Brandi: I just want to be able to play in the park with my kids
Brandi: 6/9/07
Brandi: sorry she's gonna be two
Brandi: in june
Brandi: your eyes are so soulfull
Darnell: wait, i thought you said you had a baby this year
Brandi: not this year sorry last summer or twhat ever
Brandi: this pic was takin this mornin
Darnell: ok so last summer or summer before last
Darnell: which one is it?
Darnell: Damn, 285 is pretty big.

I couldn't go anymore, I had to stop this. Not only was she big, but also stupid, horny and just nasty. I'm going to bed. This is what I have to deal with.

Alexyss Tylor

I love her.

Late night creep to the nasty store....

So I dip over to one of the local naughty stores here in town to stock up on some condoms for my upcoming birthday week. I promised Ms. Brown that I would stock up and double up. So I park around the side of the building (which happens to be right next to a subway and a circuit city) so nobody can peep my ride. It's about 9pm and for some strange reason the joint is packed. Couples, singles, weirdos all inside the place. I slide over to the condom display and check the sign. Buy 6 get 6 free. Damn, last month is was buy 6 get 12 free. Nonetheless, I start picking out a few of this kind and that kind.

Buying condoms is a very private moment and one that is between me, myself and who ever i went in there with. This store has a display with blown up condoms, so you can see the ribbed, the studded, and the waves etc etc. They have different colors, flavors and sizes all to be looked and and touched if you are that bold. So anyway like I was saying, I'm picking out some and BAM!

Can I help you sir? All loud and shit drawing attention to me at the display. I quickly answer Nope, I'm all good thanks. This obviously bored employee starts to talk to me about the different kinds. I'm like look chick, I'm good go away but she keeps talking. Keeps explaining the difference between this one and that one and what kind her and her boyfriend prefer. I'm like yea yea bitch you like the rainbow kind but I'm a magnum dude myself now beat it. She is not phased. She talked so loud that a group of girls come over and start to ask questions. These phuckers have me blocked in and I can't ease out.

Before I know it, there are about 6 people standing around a table looking and feeling the textures of different brands of condoms. I learned more about condoms in those 5 minutes than I cared to know. The whole while the door to the store keeps opening with more people entering. For some reason I get these butterflies in my gut like I'm 12 years old and scared that my mother would be walking in that door any minute.

I finish up my selection and start pushing my way out to the register when the girl asks from the middle of the group. Do you need any type of lube with that? These types are condom safe. I'm like WTF does that mean bitch? What are you trying to say? I'm feeling like the whole store is watching my every already and now she hit me with the lube question. People from across the store are looking at me as I walk to the register and I swear this Mexican dude winked at me. I got to the register and there is an older lady working there. I put down my selections and she starts in on her small talk. Find everything ok? You know we have lubes half off.

I'm going back to K-Mart next time I need condoms. Fuck this.


It's hard on a Squirrel out there trying to get his..............

Karma is a bitch

So my mother put a curse on me 11 years ago. She told me that my kids are going to be just like me when I was growing up. HAHA it's funny, we laugh it off blah blah blah.

So today I call my daughter to let her know that I'm on my way to pick her up. Her mom answers and tells me she will let her know and tell her to get in the shower. It's 1:30 pm. I'm like damn, what yall been doing all day. Of course my lazy 11 year old just woke up like 30 min ago. So I get there, make small talk with her mother. She comes down and I go through my normal routine. Do you have any homework? NO. Is your room clean? Yes. So I ask her about her math grade (we get emails every friday with all her grades. THANK GOD that wasn't around when I was in school).

She starts on the excuses. So it comes out she has a report due monday. She has had the report for about a month and hasn't started. I suddenly start hearing my mom's voice in my head. You daughter is just like you.

DAMNIT!

I gotta go. Kid needs the computer again to look up some stuff.

I met a girl today...

I popped in to Wal-Mart today to pick up some toiletries. We crossed paths in the lotion aisle. When I tell you she was fine I mean she was traffic stopping fine. Cute in the face and thick in the waist. So you know your boy did his thing. I made my next move my best move. I doubled back and lined up my shot. I had her right in my sites and was about to pull the trigger when she stopped and started to browse the items on the shelf. I walk up pimp mode style and hit her with my best Barry White hello. I must have startled her cause she jumped and dropped a bottle on the floor.

I reached down to pick it up for her, cause I'm a gentleman like that. I picked it up and handed it back to her. She looked like I was a ghost. She said thank you and I started talking like I was on the phone. I couldn't even do it. Not today. Not with my luck.

Internet Dating HORROR - The Hoodwink

So I log onto Black planet and have a few notes in my inbox. I find a note from a tall chocolate girl in Corona. She lets me know she is interested in getting to know me and we do the normal this is who I am blah blah blah. She doesn't fit my normal mode but I'm an easy going dude, so I flow with it. She tells me she wants to meet and I put it off for a bit. I finally agree to it and she agrees to meet me at the neighborhood Jamba Juice. Its right next door to Starbucks but after my last visit there I'm too embarrassed to show my face there.

So I head there armed with a photo of this girl in my memory. I get out of the car and head in. I notice a girl out of the corner of my eye as I'm walking in. She flashes a smile at me and I give her that nod that you give someone you pass in the grocery store. I walk in scan the tables and don't see her. Now she had texted me letting me know she was here so I assume she was in the restroom or something. I order a drink and take a seat. I'm sitting there a few minutes and I glance out the window and the girl outside is texting and suddenly my phone starts to buzz. I check my phone and my mystery date is telling me she is outside.

Now this can't be, cause this girl outside is HUGE. Now there aint nothing wrong with big girls (Hell I'm a big dude) but that's just not my thing. I walk outside looking around cause this can't be it. Big girl steps up and extends her arms like I was some long lost cousin holding a country ham.

I can't take this shit anymore and now we are out in the open air where anyone driving by can see. Now people that know me, know that I'm not always the nicest person. And right now, right at this point, I'm like OH HELL NO! I'm like Um, this is some bullshit. She has a look of shock on her face like I just caught her with her hand in the cookie jar. I'm like you look nothing like this picture you sent me. She starts to stutter like a 9 year old who just got caught watching porn. I'm pissed as hell cause every person I see walking in to Jamba Juice appears to be snickering at me as they walk in. I'm so mad that I'm shaking like a stripper.

She starts to explain. She tells me that the photo was of her a few years ago. I'm like no fucking shit. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo. Hands it to me and says she brought it for me. It's a photo of her like 80lbs lighter. I'm like WTF is this? She tells me that she has started working out and this is what she is going to look like soon. I'm looking at her in her eyes and this heffa is serious. I realize at that moment that this bitch is crazy. I sit back in my seat take a deep breath. I calm down and listen to her tell me this story. I think I stayed because I couldn't believe it. I could not believe a person would not only mislead like that but then justify it by saying they are gonna work out and get back down to that weight. How do you reason with a fool? Only a fool does. So I listen. I notice that while she is talking she doesn't look directly at me. I assume it's because I had this look on my face like someone just gave me a spoon of castor oil. I can only image how I was looking. But you see, I am a fool. SO I asked. What's up with you looking away.

I wasn't ready for her answer. She tells me that she suffers from halitosis and is insecure about it so she doesn't look directly at someone when she talks to them. I have replayed the whole thing over and over in my head a hundred times and it plays out just how it happened in real life. I start cracking up. I laughed out loud. I laughed that I started choking. I laughed so hard that I started crying. I started laughing so hard that I didn't even notice her leave. I still have that photo. She will never see that size again and I will never fall for that trick again. Before I meet anyone I need to see the video chat.

I know I was wrong for laughing and for that I am sorry. But damnit she is a liar and who wants to be with a liar. WITH BAD BREATH....

Internet Dating HORROR - Starbucks Egress

Ok, so I was talking to my girl Ms. Brown the other day and she was telling me I should blog about my many Internet dating horrors. So here it the first one. Now these have all happened from 95 - present and in no particular order.

So your boy is at work and decides to check his email. Low and behold I'm being blown up by some little chippy from the O.C. Now I check out the email and double verify with the screen name and it’s a damn glamour shot. Now I hate those pics because they show something that could never be duplicated. Anyway, I immediately ask for another photo because I've been fooled enough. She sends me another couple of pics and I sense a theme. They are all distance shots. One of the shoulder look, one sitting down behind the table shot etc etc... I'm not feeling that sure about this but I'm just talking right? So we chat online a few times for about two weeks. Now her profile said she was a 46 year old Latina which at that time was pushing the limit for my range.

I'm still not putting much effort into this (which for some reason works out best) and going with the flow. She is inviting me out to this party and that function and I respectfully refuse them all. I have a strict rule about meeting crazies off the web. I told her we could meet at Starbucks or someplace like that for the first meeting, not at a club or party type place. She says she understands but for some reason kept inviting me to meet her or meet her and her girls out someplace.

So one day I'm at work about to get some lunch and I get an email on my phone. She is asking me to meet her for lunch because she was in my town. She left her number on the email so I called her to see what was popping. Immediately my alarm starts to sound. I say hello in my normal Billie D Williams voice, and I get a hello back and it sounds like Darth Vader is on the other end. It was so bad I thought I had the wrong number. She tells me she is getting over a cold so I calm down just a bit. So we setup a meet and greet down the road from my house at the neighborhood Starbucks. I call my boy Sp8detight up and let him know I needed an out. (that's a phone call claiming he got a emergency and I need to go help him). I have a strict 10 minute first date rule so I set the OUT for 20min from then.

She told me what type of car she had so I'm looking for it when I walk up. I scan the parking lot and only see one car similar to that but it was in the handicap parking. I walk in and I can't believe my eyes. I am having coffee with Phyllis Diller. This broad is wearing spandex pants and all black. She has turkey neck and so much arm fat that the arm kept moving much after her arm was. She tells me over coffee that she had gastric bypass and lost over 200 lbs. She goes on to tell me how she is planning on having cosmetic surgery to remove the extra skin. Now when I say extra skin, I mean she looks like she is a size M and wearing a XXL skin suit. Skin was everywhere and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop frowning. I'm like ring phone ring. I excuse myself and hit the restroom. I'm dialing my boy and he doesn't answer. I send a mass text for anyone to call me ASAP. But no one does.

After sitting there for 30 minutes and having about 40 people walk in and shoot me a look when they walk in I just tell her I got to bounce. She walks me out and cornered me for a hug. It was like hugging a giant mold of silly putty. I swear as she walked away my arm prints were still on her. I get back in the car, traumatized and pissed off. I call my boy to see why he would do my so dirty. I thought we were down. Down like 4 flats. He knew what was going on. It was like he was there too watching and laughing. I look down at my phone and notice I have 15 missed calls. MY F*CKING PHONE WAS ON SILENT!!!!

Who Do I Look Like

So I met this girl online (Hey she hit me up) and we start chatting off and on for some time. She tells me that she is looking to relocate to Sunny SoCAL. I'm like cool well let me know where you want to move and I'll help you get settled. So days / weeks go on and we are still chatting, talking on the phone etc etc. All the while she is telling me how much she hates where she is and she is going to move. We did the whole online dating format. We exchanged numbers, photos, talked about sex etc etc. She tells me she wanted to come out and look at some spots and get her license and a P.O. Box. I'm like cool, come out one weekend and I'll pick you up at your hotel and show you around. I could tell in her voice she was wanting me to invite her to my house. 1. WHO DO I LOOK LIKE?

So a few weeks later I shoot her a text and I get no response. I call later on that day and she answers. She tells me that things fell through and she was staying out there until she found a job out here. She tells me that she met someone that she really liked and wanted to see how things played out. I'm like ok cool, take care.
I was talking to my boy in K.C. about it and told him that I thought she wanted me to fly her in and let her stay here free etc.

A few months later I get this call from a number I don't recognize. It's local so I answer it. Guess who it is on the other end. Yep, it's ole girl and she was out here. She tells me how she had moved out here and staying with some guy. I'm thinking to myself aw she found a sucker after all. She tells me she wants to meet for lunch etc. I agree to meet her and she tells me how she isn't happy, how she met this guy online etc and he is still on dating sites, blah blah blah. So she is coming to me for advice now. I'm sipping on my iced tea and taking it all in. She is feeling me out and trying to see if I'll play captain-save-a-heffa.

Over the next few months I get the random texts, phone calls, emails. She tells me how she is so unhappy but doesn't know what to do because she isn't working and it's his house so she doesn't want to get out of pocket. All the while I'm getting hints that she wants me to save her. She's asked about how many bedrooms my house has, the schools in my area etc etc. Finally I just had enough of it. I let her know, she made her bed and sometimes we don't do a good job of it and damnit it's lumpy. I let her know that without a job she can't even be my friend let alone think she can move in with me.

I'm telling my boy from K.C. all this and he is like you know she is gonna try and sex you up in hopes that it's that good and you will let her stay. Now, this was funny to me because I don't let girls that I know for years stay in a room that I'm not currently in. If i'm in the kitchen then damnit you are at the table. If I'm doing laundry park your ass on that couch in the garage and if I'm on the shitter hand me some toilet paper!. :)

Do females really think they got it like that? Do women think their stuff is that good to make me lose my damn mind? Do they think I'm desperate (she wasn't that cute in person). Do they think my sisters and my mamma would even let that crap fly?
Better yet, WHO DO I LOOK LIKE?

I'm a squirrel and this is my tree and these are my nuts~

Same story different eyes.... Pt. 1

Ok so here is the scenario. My friend, let's call her Delicious came to see me and anyway we have a different memory of the visit. So here is her version of the story as told by her and my version told by me.


HER side -
He didn't care about seeing her, he was very nonchalant and somewhat distant. Her first thought was to run to him, strip naked and do all the things she had been dreaming and thinking of. His eyes and the sound of his voice melted her insides and set her heart to racing. She told him more than once that she thought of him often and wanted him, and he took it in stride without comment or reaction. In light of everything that was going on she craved his presence and attention but she was not going to beg. If they saw each other she'd be ecstatic if not she would take her broken ego and move on. He took his sweet time finally extending an invitation to visit. He took so long she figured it was just a chance to hang out and see each other. Two people without plans. She mentally changed her outfit several times wanting to look sexy, hot, cute but not desperate. Figuring that sex was not an option she dressed for herself...black boyshorts with a happy face, black bra that made her breasts look quite squeezable. Ass hugging jeans (not tight, just showing off the ASSets) and a simple sweater. She assumed that she wouldn't get sexed tonight but at least she felt hot. When she got there he was in his PJ's (wtf), but that's okay because she smiled all the way to his house in anticipation of just being in his presence. She was surprised when he grabbed her at the door and gave her a quick hug, she closed her eyes and enjoyed those brief few seconds of contact. His arms around her waist, their bodies pressed together and his face next to hers so close but she wasn't going to risk kissing him and get her feelings hurt. Damn she wanted him to drag her to the bedroom but it wasn't that type of party so she was bound and determined to behave. They laughed and talked and even had a drink together. He stood too close to her in the kitchen, trapping her against the counter with his hands on either side of her. They were nose to nose...and she was looking into those sexy as eyes of his and he started to whisper. She watched his lips and it was like he was touching between her legs without laying a hand on her. She wondered if he realized what effect he was having on her. They sat and talked some more even kissed a little, she laid her head on his chest...she knew at that point she was losing control of herself and was in trouble. She didn't have the nerve or the strength to leave. She never wanted to be a statistic on his wall of booty calls, or "friends with benefits". But at that point she was so caught up in being near him she didn't know if she'd be able to say no if he asked. When he started to fall asleep she offered to leave so that he could rest. The dirty bastard said "don't leave, come lay in my bed with me". She has told him in no uncertain terms what he does to her why does he insist on playing games? She goes like a lamb to the slaughter, it's over...he takes her shoes off and she lays in the bed fully clothed. He puts on some music (still in his pj's) and they continue to laugh and talk in the dark. There was more kissing and it took everything in her power not to moan out loud and tell him how badly she wanted him to fuck her. This man was playing her like a finely tuned piano and she had no more control than a piano does when it's being plucked and played...

His Side -
We'd made plans to hook up around 8pm. She told me that she wanted me to cook for her so of course I had to whip something up. I spent the majority of the day cleaning house and getting ready. I wasn't planning on having sex with her but after our last visit I was optimistic. She had complained to a mutual friend that I didn't look at her and didn't seem interested. I vowed that she wouldn't have that feeling on her next visit.

I get everything finished and started my prep work for dinner. I call her to see where exactly she was so I could have dinner ready when she was there. When I cook for someone I like to have dinner on the table when they get there. She tells me that she was in the mirror and about to change her clothes. Being that she was over an hour away I'm a little peeved at this point. So now this female is climbing down off of the pedestal I had put her on and down with the common folk.

I had a fishing trip scheduled the next morning with my grandfather. We would be leaving the house at 4:30am to be on the boat by 6. It was now closer to 9 pm so I went ahead, finished dinner and ate. Cleaned up my kitchen and put on some comfy clothes and took a nap before she got there. Yea, I was a little mad, that is my biggest pet peeve, and she knows me like no other. She knows that would upset me. I'm sleeping lightly on the couch and she shows up a little after 10 pm.

Now anyone who knows me, knows that if you show up late for me all hell will break loose. I'll go off for 10 min let alone 2 hours.I compose myself and bite my tongue and open the door. I'm going to let this slide because she is who she is and has always held a special place in my heart, but damnit I'm still pissed. So I'm ready to give her my cold treatment and I open the door and she is looking good and I wanted her. It took everything inside me not to have my way with her right there in the hallway. I had to push my inner freak down and dig down to my pimp bones and keep my cool. Instead of biting her head off all I could do was grab her and hold her tight. I tried to squeeze the shit out of her. I don't think that it worked.

Over the next few hours we talked, had a toast over some Patron, she ate a little (she doesn't like spicy and it was hot like fire) we, talked some more and laughed for hours. Mind you, I had to be up in like 3 hours. She could see that I was getting tired and offered to leave. I didn't want her to go. We were both tired and I talked her into entering the spiders web (aka my bedroom). We layed down, talking, kissing, rubbing,cup caking and dozing. I wanted to do the deed but I was worn down. I was tired and it was like 2:30am. T-minus 2 hours until I needed to pick up my grandfather and go fishing.

Peace out "W"

So I'm at work today (mad about that) and doing my normal first day of the week items. Today is a special day though so my tasks of things to do is interrupted by my manager to triple check that the streaming was working on all the major news outlets. So of course I'm make sure that today's historic event could be watched by bad kids from all sides of Riverside CA.

So I finally get to sit down in our break room halfway through the speech (thank God for TiVO) and what do I see? Good ole boy "W" sitting outside in the cold with the common folk, looking up at the podium at this African-American looking sharp as a tack wearing the regal presidential red tie. "W" didn't look to happy to be outside but he must have been the only one because the crowd was going buck wild like they were at a USC-UCLA football game. "W" had this look on his face and I knew the look. It was that look that you get when you have 25 steps to the toilet and you can only hold it for 20.

So I head back over to my desk and one of the older (lets call him Republican) guys in the office starts in on how President Obama was stumbling on his speech and that he didn't speak very long. Of course this got my blood boiling and I had to give him one just because. I told him and anyone within an earshot of me that, It's easy to hear when a superior orator stumbles because it doesn't happen often. We have been so used to listening to a bumbling idiot speak for 8 years that I was amazed that anyone could even tell Obama stumbled. Not to mention it was a very nervous moment.

So today is THAT day. Sadly today's generation doesn't really grasps the weight and magnitude of today. Growing up in the '70s I just missed all the of the civil rights movements of the 60s. I did how ever have a mother that was involved in it and she made it a point my entire life to educate me on the blood sweat and tears that it took to get to today. I don't think that I ever did a book report in school that wasn't on some person who helped pave the way. I wanted to do a report on OJ Simpson and I ended up writing about Fredrick Douglas. I wanted to watch Threes Company and I had to watch Roots. I wanted to get a curl and I had to rock the Shag (I'm thinking about bringing that back).

My family is from Montgomery Alabama. They were down there during the heights of it all. My grandfather is still friends with some of those people that I read about as a youngin. I remember spending every summer down there up until I hit high school. I didn't know why but was told years after that they didn't want me down there anymore. I was born and raised in LA. My mentality was that of a kid from LA. I guess I was with my grandfather somewhere and somebody called him boy. Now down there it wasn't a big deal and how it was but to me it was disrespectful so I checked the old man at the store. I let him know he was talking to a man and if he wanted to talk to a boy he should address me. Needless to say I didn't go back to visit until I was 25.

I hope that today is just a preview of things to come. I'd love to think that we have changed that much. I'd love to have my kids believe that this is the norm. I'm happy more than I can put into words. I just want to make sure that my children and their children know that before there was Barack Obama that there was church bombings, water hoses, police dogs, and lynchings. I told my Hispanic counterpart today that, "TODAY IS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM HAPPY TO FIT THE DESCRIPTION"

Peace out "W" It's my world now bitch. GET OFF DEEZNUTZ~

My Bucket List.....

Ok, so I'm sitting here watching the movie the "Bucket List" (OUTSTANDING MOVIE) and talking to my girl Shawna and she said I needed to write out my very own Bucket list. So here we go.


1. Go to a Jook Joint. I'm talking about one of those back woods, hiking through tall weeds, moonshine serving, one-eyed blues singer, everyone sweating cause no AC, friend food serving, big old woman in the kitchen jook joints. Being a city boy I have always wanted to go so here it is.

2. Running with the bulls. Now this is one that I would have to do fairly soon because I'm not getting any younger. I want to start in the back and God help you if you are in front of me. It's going to be all over the news. Black man topples over people many injured as he went Inner City and tripped, tackled, pushed and pulled people to get out of the way.

3. Fishing in Alaska. I'm a big time fisherman and I need to hook up to one of those giant Halibut or Salmon. Nothing like fighting a big fish and winning.

4. Visit all the "wonders" of the world. I've been to several but would love to go to the Pyramids in Egypt.

5. Carnival in Brazil - Nuff Said

6. Throw down 1k on one hand of blackjack in Vegas. I don't like to lose and I think it would drain me so much to see that much on one hand. Not sure I could even do it as I'm waaaay to cheap.

7. Visit the volcanos of costa rica. Supposedly one of the coolest things to see, are the mini eruptions at night.

8. Take my grandfather fishing in Mexico. I'm actually working on this one. He loves fishing more than anyone that I know. I'd love to see him bring up a big tuna.

9. Learn to Kayak.

10. Watch my son play football for USC. This is the hardest one to do on the list, but damnit that's the goal. I'd settle for any D-1 school but I would be so content with life to see him at USC.

Anyway, my list isn't that wild is it? I think I really am getting old.

This is just an old squirrel and I'm putting my nuts away for a long long winter.

Thing that piss me off 1/16/09

This is just a list of random things really pissing me off today.

I really don't appreaciate the spider that bit me under my arm pit. I can't go around scratching that. People look at you funny when you do.

I don't like the fact that when I forward email, people act like I created the email, no matter what it is, video, joke, songs etc.. It clearly says FWD on the email.

I hate going to KFC or Popeyes for lunch and they want me to wait 10 minutes for hot wings. Isn't that what they sell? Shouldn't you have that at all times?

I hate conversation hijackers. We have people at my job that will hear you talking about anything and they will parachute in on the conversation as if they were the experts.

I really despise restroom conversationalist. I go in to the restroom here at work and a guy follows me in. I start to use the urinal and he walks into a stall and completely starts to blow it up in there. As if I wasn't standing right there. And then has the nerve to start talking to me like we are at that park.

I also despise people who cough, sneeze or wipe their nose and then try shake my hand. Or even worse, that guy who just came out of the bathroom trying to shake my hand. WTF!

I'm not happy about Kanye West trying to be T-Pain. Stop trying to steal that man's hustle.

Slow people in the fast lane get on my nerves.

People that sit near me in empty place. Like if I go to a movie and I sit down and the whole place is empty people will always sit either in my row or right in front. Even if I'm off to the side or on the aisle.

Oh yea. Chicks that want to eat 5 star steak house places when I'm taking them to dinner and want to share a subway sandwich when she is buying.

People asking me for change when I'm walking out of a store and I have my kids. Don't you see these two PIMPS of mine? They take all my money, loose change and all. Get up and go get a job!

Ok that's all i can think of right now. I fell better.. Thanx....

-Squirrel nuts

Getting Worried about my Birthday

Less than two weeks from today I will be celebrating another birthday (hopefully). I have to admit that I'm getting nervous. My birthday has always been a big event, and I must admit that I like it that way. The parties have gotten wilder and wilder over the years. I'm getting too old for this. I can't bounce back like I used to. I swear, it took me damn near three weeks to recover from my birthday last year. Quite frankly, I'm getting scared.

Two years ago was the worst. I get a call and the voice on the other end told me to be in LA by 6pm. I felt like I was talking to the "VOICE" in that Denzel movie, Man on Fire. You know the one where the guy is using the stealth machine to disguise his voice. It was a little uneasy but I was there at 6pm as instructed.

In the house was about ten friends. P.N.P. and M7 all together. Drinks were flowing, dominoes slapping, grill smoking. I'm like, Ok this is cool, nice quiet night with the boys. Little did I know that was the warm up. It's about 9pm and people start moving towards the door while deciding who is riding with who. I get shoved in the back of a white expedition as if I was Obama. We end up in Redondo Beach at this club. I think it was called Bounce.

Now I had never been before and had no idea what I was in for. Come to find out, this is the big girl's spot. Now I'm a big brother so I normally stay clear of the big birls. Stuff just doesn't seem to fit right. Kinda like mixing legos. But anyway I digress. So I'm up in this spot and true to form, it's some big chicks up in the house. Oddly enough, the dudes were all small. I can't figure that out either but what ever.

My boys start feeding me drink after drink, shot after shot. Girls are hearing that it's my birthday and are buying me drinks. Now this is where things go wrong. Its about 10:30 and I black out. From what I'm told, I go buck wild. I'm stopping every girl in the house. I'm getting dances, kisses, more drinks, hugs etc. I motor boat (think wedding crashers) a few ladies and am on the dance floor like I'm making a video. Most of the fellas are partying while one is tasked with watching me. He claims I'm double fisting shots of patron and decide to dance some more. I notice a petite young thing with long wavy hair. I grab the arm (cause that is what drunk dudes do) and say you wanna dance. The arm yanks out of my hand and of course being drunk that sets me off. So I grab it again except this time the person turns around.

Mind you, this is all coming from a few of my boys and I don't remember but I have to take their word on it. Anyway, when the person turns around I start cussing. Homeboy had hair like (REAL from I love NY) so it's easy to see how in my drunk state I was confused right? RIGHT? So I cuss him out telling him to go get a fade and letting him know that he was is A BOY DAMON! I'm yelling, drinking, cussing and so on.

I wake up the next morning in a hotel room. It was super dark and I'm scared. I'm in my boxers and T-shirt and socks. Suddenly the bathroom door opens up and my boy is standing there in a towel. He is like you ready to go? I'm like go where? He said we need to get home. Now since he opened the door of the bathroom I can see just a glimpse of the room, which had two beds. He starts getting dressed and I notice a mound in his bed and also one in mind. As my eyes slowly begin to focus and my head is clearing, I hear the sound, that sounded like two bears fighting over fresh kill. I put my hand back and pull back the covers and there lies a HEAPING mound of woman. She is down to her bra and bloomers and I'm scared. I look at my boy and he is laughing. He motions for me to get dressed. I do and we bounce. I'm like wtf man where are we. Las Vegas.

The voice called my cell phone this morning. I got a cold chill come over me. I'm getting worried about my birthday.

The squirrel is scared to get a nut this year...........

Real Chance of Love Finale

Ok so the finale was on Monday night. So let me start by saying WTF is up with the 11:30 start time for a 1 1/2 hour finale? Couldn't yall start at like 9 or something? Damn. So let me break down this finale real quick in sweet since my dearest sister doesn't watch.

-- CHANCE

I've said from the two shows back that I think this dude is gay. Scared of squirrels and lady bugs, man my four year old son has more balls than him. Anyway, on to this business at hand. He has to decide between Risky and Cali.

Risky was just that, RISKY. She was down. I'm talking about Bonnie and Clyde down. She had some straight hood in her and that isn't a bad thing but when you are claiming to be so hard and claiming L.A. and you are really from Woodland Hills, a ghetto girl isn't the best option for you. She just might turn around and whoop dat ass.

Cali on the other hand was a different chick all together. She had a ghetto pass but unlike Risky, her pass came from people she associated with and not one she got with her birth certificate. Cali used the seduction role to get to the finale but truth be told, she had a nice PURCHASED figure but she wasn't very cute in the face and her Asian blood showed greatly in her ass or lack there of. She too seemed to be down for Chance but looked more like someone trying to make a name off the show than to find love.

In the end Chance did the smart thing. He didn't choose either. Was it because he is gay or because he didn't like either of them? Who knows. He should have kept Rabbit. She was the best catch of all his stable.


-- REAL

Ok so this Rick James looking, Prince height having, nostril flaring fool was a trip. He went all bitch made on I love money proposing to Hoops. That just opened him up to his own show. It was no secret to anyone watching that from the beginning he was going to pick a white girl. Mind you, he had some crazy black chicks in his stable but the finale came between Oaktown's own Bay Bay Bay (ghetto like Oaktown 357) and the whitest girl since Jan Brady, Cornfed.

Bay Bay Bay, the most drama on TV since NEW YORK and that big girl on I want to work for Diddy. This chick was in everybody's business, loud and just a bother. She actually got voted off like 4 girls back but he felt sorry for her and kept her around and she just started crap with all the girls until they just up and left. No surprise he wouldn't pick her.

Cornfed! What more can I say? She was cute and really gained attention when they had the 80s dance crew a few episodes back. She was the same throughout the entire process and I think that is what worked for her. She was a bit of a cry baby and maybe it was just her time of the month but girlfriend cried when anyone asked her a question. She had never been with a brother before and I guess by going on Real's side she is trying to ease her way into the brothers. In anyway, she was the only winner in the Finale and probably a good choice for Real if not Milf.

Help me.. HELP ME!

So here I am once again trying to change my way and people still insist on pissing me off. I thought I had been doing very well considering. I haven't cursed out any baby mammas lately. I haven't slapped the taste out of any random people that might have crossed me. I thought '09 would be different. I was wrong.

So I've decided to use this whole blog thing as therapy. Why pay big bucks for some idiot with a degree to tell me what you kind people can tell me for free? So here we are, barely two weeks into this year of CHANGE and my inner '08 is coming back out.

So I bought a gift for a friend of mine for Xmas. It wasn't anything spectacular or very expensive but I picked it out and bought it nonetheless. I had it wrapped and I gave it to her about a week before Christmas. She was very excited and couldn't wait to open it. I insisted that she wait for Xmas and left it at that. So Xmas comes and goes, I get a thank you phone call etc etc. Now maybe it's just me but if someone gave me a give for Xmas I would feel bad if I didn't return the gesture. But then again that is just me. I also picked up some small gifts for her two kids, once again nothing expensive but I'm that its that thought that counts dude. I understand that it's hard times and all that, so not giving me a gift is one thing but a card for the house or something right? Moving on...

So I talk to said friend and I say, hey bring over that gift let me check it out. She is like ok, I'll see you later. So she shows up at my house with this look. I'm in the middle of fixing a computer so I'm not really paying to much attention. So she says you are going to be upset. Pulls out the gift and it's broken. I'm like WTF is up with that. She goes on and on about she doesn't know how it happened etc. Mind you, the gifts that I got her kids were broken Xmas day. So I'm like damn I see where your kids got that.

Now normally I'm like what you do with your stuff is your business. But as I was fixing the computer I started to get more and more upset about the whole thing. I'm playing the scenario in my head and I'm like I wouldn't have shown up with the item broken. I would have either lied and said I forgot it, or I would have stopped and replaced it before I got there. If someone bought me something I would do any and everything I could to at least show them the item in full working condition when they asked about it. She had this attitude like oh well. I was like; Ok well lets take it back and get it replaced, it hasn't even been 30 days. She didn't want to do it. She said, "They won't replace it" and was like oh well.

So now I'm really pissed. So not only did you break it in a matter of a few weeks, you don't even care enough to attempt to have it repaired or replaced. Now anyone who knows me, knows that once I hit the red with someone i can be not so nice. But I'm trying yall. I'm trying very hard to change my ways in '09. I don't want to go down the same paths that I traveled on before. It's '09 and damnit I am going to CHANGE.

Well maybe I'll change starting today. Cause last night that bitch had to go~

---Just a squirrel and right now I don't even want one.....

TOMFOOLERY! PT1 June 23 '08

So I'm bored at work and started reading the blogs of some of my MYSPACE friends. My sister is the daily reporter, posting blogs on Real World. My boy Marv post on anything from 2girls1cup.com to R-Kelly and so on and so forth. So I decided to post a blog today of my own. I have a question to all of you bloggers. WHY? Now some of you I can dig it and can see what you are thinking. Other's though? WOWWWWWW (in my best flavor flav voice) You need to get a job with benefits so you can get medical insurance and go talk to a shrink. Some of you post some very personal and probably too personal for the web info about your life. So I dedicate this blog to those of you who need a hug.

It's 2008. Can we all agree on that? Woman, stop trying to pass off those photos from 98 as your most current photo. The out of date hair-dos give it away. The cross colors also let us know the true date. Stop posting photos where you cut out yo baby daddy. We can tell someone was standing beside you by the pose. Come on. It's 2008. You have access to a digital camera, cell phone, or regular camera and Wal-Mart (they can upload it for you). What's up with the Glamour shots? You know damn well you don't look like that. Hell, that was your best day and you don't look like that. How about you put up a photo within the last 3 months, solo, with the regular everyday you? Stop trying to deceive a brutha.

Let me clue you ladies in on a few more things. In your profile words like THICK are being used incorrectly. THICK is what J-LO, Lisa Nicole Carson, Lisa Raye and Tyra Banks are. Monique is not THICK. Let's take it back old school. Women, learn to cook! So many of you tell me, I'm looking for a "GOOD" man. I'm looking for this / that. Ok, what you gonna do when you find him? Bring him to your house for takeout? Hell no, learn to cook! Or learn to cut the grass and wash the cars! LEARN TO COOK! It's a lost art with women. I know you got to work etc etc. But you got to eat to live. And keep your house clean. No dude wants to roll to your crib and it looks worse than his. It's suppose to smell good, look fresh and clean and feel like a girl lives there, not a pack of hyenas.

Learn about sports. Know the names of the local teams, rivals, best player etc. Guys like girls who like sports. You don't have to be a diehard fan, just know enough so if a guy ask you to go to a game you can hold a basic conversation about it. If a dude likes the Lakers (God Forbid) then learn about Kobe's snitching ways and how they lost by 39 points in the championship. (sorry I got side tracked) Anyway you get the point.

And my last point for the ladies. And don't worry I got plenty of stuff for the dudes out here too. Get your hygiene in order. You don't have to have long acrylic nails but don't have nails that look like you been biting them. Get your feet done. No dude wants to rub up against your feet and get scratched! Keep the V-jay jay trimmed neat. A dude isn't going to visit your house if he can't find the door.

Stop looking for a man to come rescue you. That probably isn't going to happen. Learn to take care of yourself, do for yourself, love yourself (not like that you freaks). Guys are attracted to confidence. If you put off a confident vibe, guys will notice. You put off a weak vibe, guys will notice that and will walk all over ya.

I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut.....

Online Dating

So you know your boy has been online since the internet was started. I've done the whole range of things from bulletin boards to dial up on AOL (when they charged you by the hour) to high speed internet. I've done the AOL chat rooms, the Yahoo Chat rooms and the different sites like Black Planet, MySpace etc.. etc..

I can only speak on the women online because well frankly that's all I know about. I'm sure the ladies can speak on how crazy the men are online but that's for another spot. I'm here to talk about the ladies of the internet and the things they do.

First of all, it's 2009. YOU have access to a digital camera of some type. You have a cell phone that takes pics, you or your neighbor has a camera etc. If you are on a dating site and don't have a photo, you are either A) Ugly as old bacon grease, or B) hiding from someone or C) Both. Either way, stop lying that you don't have a camera. That lie was old back during dial up. On the subject of photos. What's with the glamour shots? You don't look like that. Why would you post that photo at all? That is you after 3 hours of hair and makeup. You will never look like that again. Those people could not even duplicate that look for you. That would be like me taking a photo with one of those muscle man suits on or one of those joke pictures you take at Knots Berry Farm. And then you have the nerve to put in your profile you want a "REAL" man who doesn't play games etc. BITCH!!! What do you call what you are doing, posting pictures from 10 years ago?

The body of the profile is suppose to be about what you like and dislike. What you are looking for and what you aren't. I can't tell you how many times I read a woman's profile where it says she is looking for a man who has a car, no drama and a good job. Well let me see. Do you have a car? What type of job do YOU have? And the drama thing is the funniest part. Let me clue you ladies in on something. If you have kids, you have drama. Unless you don't have absolutely nothing to do with the other parent there is drama. If he isn't paying child support, that is drama. If he isn't doing this or that, guess what it's drama. Anything negative thing that "I" might hear come out of your mouth regarding your baby daddy is drama. If you got bad kids, guess what DRAMA! And why are you concerned with my job? We aren't hiring. You can't come here and work with me, so worry about your job. As long as I have money in my pocket to take you out, leave my job out your mouth.

AGE. You would think I wouldn't have to even comment on that but I do. I should get messages from ladies who are a few years younger than my mother. That's just nasty. Now I know in today's time you could have a mother 16 years older than the kid, but seriously who wants to go out with someone that shared homeroom with their mom?

My biggest issue with online dating is the bots. I was in the service for many years, and I've traveled all over the world. I've seen lots of places. I'm not sure what it is about Ghana and Russia but damnit those women are trying to get the hell out of those places. I'm sick of getting emails from chicks trying to get at me to get them a green card. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Kick rocks and do it movin.

Last but not least, we need to be on the same page when it comes to these descriptions.

Athletic - easy
Average - Not skinny and you aren't fat.
Thick - ok this one is misused ALL THE TIME. Thick doesn’t mean you are thick all over. Thick means you got some junk in the trunk, maybe large ta-tas. Fat chicks all over the world are trying to squeeze into the THICK label and it's not working.
Big & BBW - You know if the check belongs in this box. Don't fight it. Just like you didn't fight against supersizing that meal.

Don't put things like spontaneous and you are scared to come out the house and meet. Don't say stuff like you like to travel if you won't drive on the freeway or drive farther than 10 miles. Don't say stuff like you want a man who takes control but when a dude says, hey lets go out to dinner you find a reason not to go. It's '09. It's ok for ladies to ask a guy out too. Don't post that you are independent and all that, but you want a guy make the first move all the time.

Let me look at some personal sites and decipher what it is you ladies are REALLY saying.

I would like to meet a man who is compassionate, patient, witty and open-minded. - YOU WANT A GUY WHO LIKES CHICK FLICKS and DOESN'T MIND THAT YOU LIKE GIRLS TOO?

I am looking for a serious long-term relationship with a responsible, emotionally and financially secure man - I AM LOOKING FOR AN OLDER MAN WITH A JOB TO TAKE CARE OF ME CAUSE I'M BROKE!


Anyway, I’m outty. Just a squirrel trying to get a nut..........

No Home Training

So here I am thinking '09 would be the year of CHANGE. We have our first Black President, we are fighting to turn the economy around, gas prices are down and everybody that I know has a job. Things are looking up. So anyway, my birthday falls on a Thursday this month and I'm looking forward to putting another candle on the cake. The Super Bowl is the same weekend as my birthday so what sounds better than throwing a Super Bowl / Birthday bash? Sounds like something that's fun right? Hell yea, shit yea it does....

So I talk one of my co-workers into throwing this soiree at his place. I get the nod from Alberto and proceed to send out the invitations via EVITE. I add this person and that person and before you know it the guest list sits at 74 people. I let Alberto know and he says make sure you put down $10 at the door so we can cater this event. I'm like cool and we take off for the night.

All night I'm getting responses and everything is going according to plan. I had invited co-workers, friends that were local and some from as far as Los Angeles and San Diego. You know, my boys. They are always down to party and have a good time. I check the list before I head to bed and most people have viewed the evite and the RSVPs are flowing.

I wake up every day around 6am. I check my email, watch Billy Blanks doing Tae Bo while I eat a bowl of cereal. I check my mail and find some RSVPs from names I don't recognize. I log on to the evite site and low and behold my guest list of 75 is now 105. I'm like WTF is this. I look and I've got 30 peeps whom I don't know on my list. I check on their links and they were all invited by one person. Now here is the thing....

How in the hell are you going to invite 30 people to a party that someone invited you to? What part of I'm having a little party for the superbowl meant hey if you aren't busy why don't you have your family reunion at my party. What makes people do this type of thing? Just when I think it's ok to start dealing with (excuse my French) niggas, you pull me back into '08. 30 people to a party and a house you have never been to and you don't even know the host? For real, who does that?

I shoot the girl a text asking had she lost her mind or was she just stupid. She replies, my apologies it won't happen again. It won't happen again? Your apologies? Like your kid just threw his ball in my yard? You mean, like you just bumped your basket into the back of my legs at walmart? No you mean, like you just called the wrong number? See this is the type of thing that get people in trouble. You open up your home to friends / family and some fool brings over the wrong element and stuff gets out of hand.

I need someone to help me understand why you would do such a thing. I mean, I know people don't like to travel solo. So you bring a road dog, maybe two, three on a rare occassion. I would call ahead and ask if I could bring more than one person with me anywhere. He so and so is it ok, I've got my boys with me, should I bring anything extra? But 30 people? Come on! Somebody, anybody tell me how this happens?

I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut.... Help a brother understand.............