Getting Worried about my Birthday

Less than two weeks from today I will be celebrating another birthday (hopefully). I have to admit that I'm getting nervous. My birthday has always been a big event, and I must admit that I like it that way. The parties have gotten wilder and wilder over the years. I'm getting too old for this. I can't bounce back like I used to. I swear, it took me damn near three weeks to recover from my birthday last year. Quite frankly, I'm getting scared.

Two years ago was the worst. I get a call and the voice on the other end told me to be in LA by 6pm. I felt like I was talking to the "VOICE" in that Denzel movie, Man on Fire. You know the one where the guy is using the stealth machine to disguise his voice. It was a little uneasy but I was there at 6pm as instructed.

In the house was about ten friends. P.N.P. and M7 all together. Drinks were flowing, dominoes slapping, grill smoking. I'm like, Ok this is cool, nice quiet night with the boys. Little did I know that was the warm up. It's about 9pm and people start moving towards the door while deciding who is riding with who. I get shoved in the back of a white expedition as if I was Obama. We end up in Redondo Beach at this club. I think it was called Bounce.

Now I had never been before and had no idea what I was in for. Come to find out, this is the big girl's spot. Now I'm a big brother so I normally stay clear of the big birls. Stuff just doesn't seem to fit right. Kinda like mixing legos. But anyway I digress. So I'm up in this spot and true to form, it's some big chicks up in the house. Oddly enough, the dudes were all small. I can't figure that out either but what ever.

My boys start feeding me drink after drink, shot after shot. Girls are hearing that it's my birthday and are buying me drinks. Now this is where things go wrong. Its about 10:30 and I black out. From what I'm told, I go buck wild. I'm stopping every girl in the house. I'm getting dances, kisses, more drinks, hugs etc. I motor boat (think wedding crashers) a few ladies and am on the dance floor like I'm making a video. Most of the fellas are partying while one is tasked with watching me. He claims I'm double fisting shots of patron and decide to dance some more. I notice a petite young thing with long wavy hair. I grab the arm (cause that is what drunk dudes do) and say you wanna dance. The arm yanks out of my hand and of course being drunk that sets me off. So I grab it again except this time the person turns around.

Mind you, this is all coming from a few of my boys and I don't remember but I have to take their word on it. Anyway, when the person turns around I start cussing. Homeboy had hair like (REAL from I love NY) so it's easy to see how in my drunk state I was confused right? RIGHT? So I cuss him out telling him to go get a fade and letting him know that he was is A BOY DAMON! I'm yelling, drinking, cussing and so on.

I wake up the next morning in a hotel room. It was super dark and I'm scared. I'm in my boxers and T-shirt and socks. Suddenly the bathroom door opens up and my boy is standing there in a towel. He is like you ready to go? I'm like go where? He said we need to get home. Now since he opened the door of the bathroom I can see just a glimpse of the room, which had two beds. He starts getting dressed and I notice a mound in his bed and also one in mind. As my eyes slowly begin to focus and my head is clearing, I hear the sound, that sounded like two bears fighting over fresh kill. I put my hand back and pull back the covers and there lies a HEAPING mound of woman. She is down to her bra and bloomers and I'm scared. I look at my boy and he is laughing. He motions for me to get dressed. I do and we bounce. I'm like wtf man where are we. Las Vegas.

The voice called my cell phone this morning. I got a cold chill come over me. I'm getting worried about my birthday.

The squirrel is scared to get a nut this year...........