Late night creep to the nasty store....

So I dip over to one of the local naughty stores here in town to stock up on some condoms for my upcoming birthday week. I promised Ms. Brown that I would stock up and double up. So I park around the side of the building (which happens to be right next to a subway and a circuit city) so nobody can peep my ride. It's about 9pm and for some strange reason the joint is packed. Couples, singles, weirdos all inside the place. I slide over to the condom display and check the sign. Buy 6 get 6 free. Damn, last month is was buy 6 get 12 free. Nonetheless, I start picking out a few of this kind and that kind.

Buying condoms is a very private moment and one that is between me, myself and who ever i went in there with. This store has a display with blown up condoms, so you can see the ribbed, the studded, and the waves etc etc. They have different colors, flavors and sizes all to be looked and and touched if you are that bold. So anyway like I was saying, I'm picking out some and BAM!

Can I help you sir? All loud and shit drawing attention to me at the display. I quickly answer Nope, I'm all good thanks. This obviously bored employee starts to talk to me about the different kinds. I'm like look chick, I'm good go away but she keeps talking. Keeps explaining the difference between this one and that one and what kind her and her boyfriend prefer. I'm like yea yea bitch you like the rainbow kind but I'm a magnum dude myself now beat it. She is not phased. She talked so loud that a group of girls come over and start to ask questions. These phuckers have me blocked in and I can't ease out.

Before I know it, there are about 6 people standing around a table looking and feeling the textures of different brands of condoms. I learned more about condoms in those 5 minutes than I cared to know. The whole while the door to the store keeps opening with more people entering. For some reason I get these butterflies in my gut like I'm 12 years old and scared that my mother would be walking in that door any minute.

I finish up my selection and start pushing my way out to the register when the girl asks from the middle of the group. Do you need any type of lube with that? These types are condom safe. I'm like WTF does that mean bitch? What are you trying to say? I'm feeling like the whole store is watching my every already and now she hit me with the lube question. People from across the store are looking at me as I walk to the register and I swear this Mexican dude winked at me. I got to the register and there is an older lady working there. I put down my selections and she starts in on her small talk. Find everything ok? You know we have lubes half off.

I'm going back to K-Mart next time I need condoms. Fuck this.


It's hard on a Squirrel out there trying to get his..............