Internet Dating Horror - Throw some "D"s on it.

Triple D's at that. So I get this message on myspace (before I fired TOM) and this young lady tells me that I heard that we have met before. I'm like I don't believe so but what ever, I'll play along. She tells me that we have a mutual friend and that we met at a going away party for this friend. Now I remember the party but not this girl. Mind you, I had started talking to baby about a year ago but it never went anywhere, so I'm confused by this whole new look on things.

So we chop it up for a few days and it's time for that first meeting. Now you guys know my rule but after talking to this girl for a bit I decide to break my own rule. I agree to let baby come to my house. So before our meeting we talk about everything from politics to sports. And I have to admit this girl has me interested. She does tell me about her issues with other females etc etc and I'm like ok, not that big a deal. Girls hate on her because guys are always approaching her blah blah blah. She tells me story after story about her friends and I'm like ok she hangs with some losers but what ever.

So one of the things we talk about was she has large breastessess. She goes on to tell me she has big ta tas, flat stomach and a big butt. I'm like $$$$$$ but I need to verify this before. I've been duped before and not falling for some fancy camera tricks and photoshop.

So baby shows up to the house and the face is average but she did have some LARGE breasts. The stomach wasn't exactly flat but wasn't as round as mine so it was cool. She was a solid size 12 and I'm ok cool. So we head out to get some sushi and some drinks. Throughout the night the convo is on point and I'm feeling pretty good about this. Finally, one that I could see again. So as we eat I'm glancing down and checking out the good and the weather in the sushi spot was a little chilly so the head lights were on full beam. Now, I don't know what the proof is on sake but I was starting to feel pretty good but, I am noticing that her nipples were a little high on her chest. I've been having some issues with my eyes lately and just thought the sake and my vision were on some other level.

She must have saw me talking to her boobs cause she started telling me a story about them. 36DDD and perky. I'm a typical guy so I'm not knowing but I ask cause I'm a boob man. How can that be? How can you have that much and still perky? Is this some super wonder bra? She tells me that she has had some work done and she almost died from it. Now I have heard stories (Kanye West's mom, Coretta King) about complications from cosmetic surgeries. She tells me that her and a friend went to TJ to have these procedures done. I'm like that isn't very smart you know. She goes on and on about the complications and the infections etc etc.

So fast forward a few hours and we are back at my spot, both feeling good, head on tilt from all the saki and wine and we start making out. I got my ipod already set on my "letsgetbuttnakedandfuck" play list and I'm letting K.E.M. bring it home for me. Next thing I know baby girl is asking if she can see my room. BINGO!!!! I tell her that I didn't think that was best (I like to play that role like I'm not a dog) I let her know that the big bad wolf lives in that room and I can't promise her that she won't get eatten like little red riding hood. She laughs and pulls me into the room. Needless to say, the wolf came out....

So the wolf is out and doing what he does and "I" start to check out the good under the moon light and thats when I see it. It was just like that email floating around about the model suing the cross-eyed plastic surgeon. They weren't even pointing the same directions. It was like some bad disco move on dance fever. The nipples were coming and going and she had a scar like she got hit with a train in the side. I couldn't even do it. That sake wore off way to fast.