Three little bitches...

So your boy turned 40 last Friday. 2010 hasn’t been good so far for me. I’ve got to have surgery to repair broken cartilage in my knee. My stomach is jacked up from the pain meds and of course I need to lose weight. That being said, my birthday is the best part of the year. I could care less about Christmas and Father’s day because those are days for the masses. JAN 29th is MY day. I refuse to share it with anyone, don’t accept anything less than the best on MY birthday.

That being said….. The days before my birthday I start getting random text messages from females I’ve dealt with in the past. Now getting a hello out of the blue is no cause for alarm “NORMALLY” but the week of my birthday hmmmmmm. So let’s call these women the three little tricks.

Trick 1. She texts and goes on about she has been thinking about me and misses me and asks am I single. Of course I’m like WHY???? She goes on with some bullshit story of how she has been thinking how she didn’t really give me a chance and she knows she messed up and wants to see if we can be an item. Again I’m like WHY???? Why now? It’s been a long time. Why all of a sudden? Was it the rain storm we had out here in SoCal? Did the rain make you lonely and feel the need to find someone to cuddle with? Are you horny? I know people always say rainy weather is the best time for love making. Of course she denies both and just rambles about how she didn’t give me a chance and how she wants to do so now. I’m thinking in the back of my head, Uh, Bitch…. I hit it the first night I met you. I had all the chances I wanted with you…. It didn’t work out because YOUR SHIT WAS WHACK!!!!! I let her know that I’m cool and she isn’t what I’m looking for at this time…….


Trick 2. She texts me and very similar to the first. She wants to spend time with me on my birthday. So I tell her.. Let me get this straight. We haven’t talked that much in months and you want me to give you the hottest day of the year? You want me to forget everybody and anybody else and just say oh hell yea, you can spend my birthday with me. Please. Are you fucking insane. Why now you want to spend time with me? Why all of a sudden? Oh you want to spend time on your terms when it’s good for you? Naw I’m cool. Kick rocks….


Trick 3. Now this is the kicker. She stays on the script much like the other two. But unlike them her house was built out of stone. She goes on about how she misses spending time with me and about all the good times we had together blah blah blah. I just cut her off and say thanks but no thanks. I’m not interested in pursuing any type of relationship with you. She is thrown back, and is like why? So I go in on her and explain my reasons. She is like wow, why haven’t you ever told me any of this before. I’m like I had no intention on calling you. You called me. So now you know, PEACE!

So I spent my birthday with friends and family. I had a great time and I felt the love all around. I had some drinks, some sex, and some great food. It wasn’t the big party that 30 was but I plan on having many more birthdays so I’ll get that party down the road. I also got the best present I could ask for. My daughter brought home straight A’s on her report card. All in all, I’m feeling pretty blessed.

BROKE

So this woman calls me Saturday morning in a frantic way talking about her computer and viruses. She asked could she bring it over and could I fix it today. So I say sure and I take a look and it's infected big time. So I've got a few other machines to finish before I get to hers and she goes on about how she needed it today and how she has some school work that she must get finished.

So I put her computer up on the bench and I start working on it. I tell her I'll call her when it's done and I start doing that voodoo that I do. I get the computer cleaned and give her a call. She's ecstatic. I tell her she could come get it right now and it will be $60.

This trick in a calm and clear voice tells me. Hey, all I got is $20. Can I pay you later?



WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

You can't stand the rain....

So I'm headed to work and I get a FB email from this broad I smashed a while ago. It was a one night stand and quite frankly it was whack. I did the honorable thing and called the next day, but I totally wasn't in to her. But you know, your boy can play the role.

So she asked me for my number and claims she had lost it. I'm thinking she needed some computer work so I respond with the digits. About 15 seconds later she texts me. Hey, what's up? I'm like hey what's up. She goes into this song and dance on how she wanted to get to know me and that she was sorry we didn't get a chance to really get to know each other earlier. I'm like why... why now? And I asked her.

Why now? It's been a long time, and after I hit it you didn't respond to my text or emails. I asked her was the rain making her lonely? Was she horny? What was it? She tells me I'm a fun guy and she didn't give me a chance before. I'm looking at this text like what type of full ass bitch are you? You didn't give me a chance? Step your sex game up broad cause the snatch was whack.

Normally I'd play along and see what she was really after but I squashed that shit right away. I told her. I'm cool, I have enough on my plate to back track.

Does she think I haven't seen her FB status updates professing how she was lonely and wanted a boyfriend etc etc? This rain got her lonely and she wants some companionship. GET A DOG TRICK.......